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At 29, I’ve never enjoyed the real thing or even a kiss before



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I’m not sure what I haven’t done to assist me to fix this problem, but it persists. Small things used to annoy me a lot as a youngster, and I’d dream about something I observed. My younger sister puked after school one day, and I couldn’t get the image out of my brain. I had a dream that I was compelled to swallow her puke. Sorry for going into such depth. When I see the perspiration on someone’s body, I’m so repulsed that I won’t let them touch me. Even if the individual is a family member I care about, I will avoid them.

I was sitting in trotro one day when a sweaty man pressed his flesh against mine. I felt queasy and unclean right away and wanted to run home to take a bath. Because of this issue, I stopped using Trotro when I started working until I had my own automobile. I can’t handle terrible odours; if I smell them for too long, I puke. I am unable to utilise a public restroom. Even with the one at home, I have to cover the seat with Kleenex every time I use it. My mother assumed it was a spiritual issue. She took me to a prayer camp to be delivered, but nothing happened.

I am constantly on the lookout for diamonds or nasty stuff around me. I can’t help myself because the two men I’ve dated both left me due of this same issue. He invited me to the first guy’s house. He was clean and smelt nice. It was one of the things that drew me to him. I was OK when I entered his room. Despite the fact that a few things were out of order, I was attempting to keep my cool. I pulled away and fled the minute he tried to kiss me. He didn’t have awful breath or anything, but even though I adored him, I couldn’t envision another person’s saliva entering my mouth. We tried again after that. He suggested we could do it without kissing, but as soon as our bodies met and I felt perspiration on him, I had to quit and go home to bathe. I attempted to keep him, but after my weird behaviour, he became bored of me and ended our relationship.

My next boyfriend was with me for three years. Early in our relationship, I told him about my condition. He offered to assist me and even put me in touch with an old schoolmate who is a psychologist. I had two sessions with him and had had enough. There had been no progress. I felt really uncomfortable sitting in front of someone and telling them my entire story. I came to a halt since it was so strange. My partner then encouraged me to continue, but I couldn’t. Because he couldn’t do anything truly intimate with me, I sent him recordings of myself in my underwear while he was playing with his joystick. But he was sick of it. He wanted to be personal with me again, but I stopped him. He has a lot of hair. When I felt his hands on me, I lost interest and came to a halt. It’s not that I’m not interested in males. I am really direct. I dislike ladies.

But I’m not excited when I see two individuals having it in bed. I just notice how filthy it looks with everyone touching and salivating. It disgusts me greatly. But I have a device that I use to entertain myself, and when I use it, I generally envision a person I like. After I finish, I have to spend more than 30 minutes washing the toy with detergent and water, because else I won’t believe the gems are gone. This is something I can’t discuss with anyone since the few individuals I’ve told have looked at me strangely. It’s not that I’m arrogant or that I despise people. I’m not sure why the distaste is so intense.

I couldn’t use the same cup as my siblings or drink from their bottle when I was a kid. I needed to obtain my own. It has been there since my youth and has become worse. I’m 29 years old and still a virgin since this condition prevents me from even kissing a man, let alone experiencing other things. I desperately need assistance. I can get out of bed and feel irritated by my own perspiration. I need to take a bath before I can relax. Someone shakes my hand, so I rush to the restroom to wash my hands with soap.

When I touch a doorknob to open it, I am constantly reminded that my hands are filthy. The sensation will not go away till I wash my hands. I’ve stopped buying food outside because I constantly see something that irritates me. A housefly, a gutter, or anything on the seller’s body, such as a soiled gown. When I go to the market, I wash my ingredients in soap and water, then rinse the soap off. I prefer a mall than a market. Otherwise, my sister would go shopping for me. Some friends believe it is OCD, while others believe it is a gem phobia. I just need a solution, whatever it is. Thanks.


How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year



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Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.

You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.

The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.

How to make it work

If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.

It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.

It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.

Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.

  • Have realistic expectations

For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.

You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.

  • Show love and affection to your partner

You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for. 

You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.

  • Don’t start talking about the future prematurely

When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.

Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one. 

You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time. 

  • Don’t mention fears prematurely

At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely. 

Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them. 

  • Enjoy moments

One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment. 

Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner. 

The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present. 

  • Communicate effectively

Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process. 

Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.

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5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season



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Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.

Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.

Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:

  • Communication style

This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

  • What to do during conflict

Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

  • The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.

  • Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

  • Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?

Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

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4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x



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There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.

Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.

You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.

Here’s what you can do:

  • You’re on birth control

Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.

These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.

  • You’re on your period

While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim. 

Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.

  • You use the ‘pull-out’ method

The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.

The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.

While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method. 

  • You use a condom

When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin. 

According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.

Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.

While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.

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