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He’s Asking For A Divorce Yet Goes Around Telling Everyone That I’m The One Seeking A Divorce



black couple having discussion home relationship crisis

“Marry me.” 

That’s how he proposed. It wasn’t a question. It sounded like a command—a command I was willing to freely follow. Our love was new so everything he did please me. He was the man I wanted to marry. But instead of giving him a straight answer, I decided to mess with him a little bit. “Answer this first,” I said. “On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love me?” His gruff voice answered, “My love for you cannot fit onto a scale.” I giggled at his response, “Smart answer!” “Now are you going to say yes to my proposal?” My man demanded. I laughed at his impatience; “Patience my dear, you know you are the only man for me. Of course, I will marry you.” At this, his face broke out into a wide smile as he scooped me up into his arms and claimed my lips in a searing kiss. At that moment I thought; “If our love remains this strong, we will indeed live happily ever after.”

 Robert and I had been together for quite some time. He always had a gruff approach to life. This made him appear to many people as rude. But the people who are close to him understand that he is just a no-nonsense person. He tells things as they are and he gets upset when he doesn’t get his way. I was convinced that I had figured him out. I knew what made him tick and what made him melt. I had faith that our love would make our marriage a peaceful one. 

Not too long after his proposal, we got married. That day was one of the happiest days of my life. Everything was beautiful. I smiled so much my cheeks hurt. Today, when I look at our wedding photos, I ask myself questions, questions like, “What happened?” “Where did the love and happiness go?”

I cannot pinpoint exactly when things took a sour turn but I can think of all the signs I missed along the way. 

Before we got married I was running my own business. It was doing well and I had my own money. I wasn’t rich but I could take care of my needs without external support. And for me, that was a success. On our honeymoon, my husband casually asked me to stop working and be a housewife. My reaction was, “Where is this coming from? It wasn’t an issue before we got married? Why is it an issue now?” He replied, “Well, then let’s discuss it now. Before we got married, you had to work to survive. Now you have a husband, and it is my job to provide for you financially. So I’m asking you to allow me to do that. Allow me to be your husband.” I shook my head and said, “I won’t do that. I would like to be a wife who works to support her husband.”

Robert was relentless. He wanted me to concede by all means. “What are you going to do when we start having kids?” He asked me. “Who will take care of them while you’re busy running a business? I will give you time to think about it but I believe it’s the right thing to do.” 

He said he was going to give me time to think about it but he didn’t. Instead, he put a lot of pressure on me. He started nicely at first but he became hostile when I kept saying no. The peace in my marriage was threatened at its budding stage. I didn’t want us constantly fighting so I agreed to be a housewife. When we finally moved in together, my husband playfully said, “Sell your electrical gadgets to me.” I was confused. “We are living together now. What’s mine is yours so why do you want to buy my possessions?” His response was, “I want to buy them from you so that the day you leave, you will carry nothing from this house.”

“Ah, what is he saying?” 

Our marriage was not even a month old yet my husband was planning our divorce. I refused to sell my possessions to him but he didn’t let them rest. He is a man who insists on always having his way. This time, I wasn’t ready to budge. I stood my ground. “Dear Robert, I’m not selling them to you. We are one and one for all. What’s mine is automatically yours. You don’t need money to buy from me. You only have to take from me.” 

That was when the first crack in our marriage appeared.

As time went on, he started cheating on me. When I confront him, he turned around and accuse me of cheating. This happened when I was pregnant with our first child. I had seen evidence on his phone that he had a mistress. I asked him about it and he denied it. Then he said, “The only reason you are suspecting me of cheating is that you are the one cheating on me.” That day he took my phone and went through every chat, asking me questions. He continued reading my chats even after I went to sleep. I was heavily pregnant but this man woke me up in the middle of the night and showed me a chat and asked, “Are you sure you’re not sleeping with this person?” 

I got offended. I did not want to dignify his question with an answer so I kept quiet and tried to go back to sleep. He tapped me continuously and said, “You won’t mind me? How dare you ignore me when I’m talking to you?” Get down here. For your punishment, you’ll have to sleep on the floor.” I moved and slept on the floor without a protest. When he saw that I had fallen asleep, he woke me up again; “Go back to the bed. I will rather sleep on the floor.” 

I felt frustrated but I went back to bed. He did this to me throughout the rest of the pregnancy and even through my next pregnancy. 

There was a time he sacked me out of our room and brought in another woman. I had to go live in our uncompleted house with our two kids. There was no electricity, toilet, or bathroom. I used up whatever money I had saved from my business to complete it. My girls and I lived there until my husband got tired of his other woman and came home to us. After the building, I had no money left for myself. My husband only gave me just enough to cover food. I had to push money around before I am even able to afford sanitary pads. When I ask him to give me money for other things, he would make me feel like a burden and then ask for a divorce. 

I can’t afford to buy clothes and toys for our kids. One time I tried to get a job and he found out. He threatened to divorce me if I report to work. That’s how my marriage has been. He expects me to do his bidding. He wants me to be at his beck and call without protest. If I do anything that he hasn’t sanctioned, he would threaten me with a divorce. 

I try—I try everything possible to hold on to this marriage though it’s not serving me well. I do anything to make him happy. I endure verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and psychological abuse without complaints but he’s never satisfied. He would wake up in the morning, look at my face and say, “I don’t love you anymore. I want a divorce.” I would plead with him to allow us to work on getting back the love we once shared. 

While I plead with him to give us an opportunity to thrive, he would go around fishing for reasons to leave the marriage. Sometimes he would make mountain out of a molehill. Something that shouldn’t be an issue, he would make it a big issue. I would be in our room arranging things and he would walk in and switch off the light. I would have to stumble through the darkness to find my phone and use the torchlight. He behaves like a spoilt child yet I see him as my spoilt child so I bear with him. 

He insisted on divorce until one day I told him, “Great. Let’s do it. I’m sick and tired of everything. It looks like if I don’t accept to leave, you’ll never give me peace. I will leave. Just watch me.” 

He gave me three months to pack out of the house with our children. I am not financially stable and I don’t know how I will survive but I agreed to leave. I was exhausted from all the fighting I’d been doing since we got married. I’ve stopped paying attention to him and I’ve stopped performing my wifely duties. I take care of my kids’ needs and leave him out. I have started looking for accommodation even though I don’t know how I’ll pay for it. 

Now that he has realized that I don’t care about him anymore, he is going around telling people that I’m the one leaving the marriage. Our family and friends have called me to advise me; “Don’t break up your home. Forgive your husband and make things work.” “Where will you go with two children? Don’t walk out from what you can fix.” “There is no perfect man out there. Stay with Robert as he is.” He makes it look like I’m the devil who’s seeking to break the marriage by all means. 

When I confronted him about it he said, “Yes, you are the one breaking up our home. We had a little misunderstanding and you’ve decided to leave.” He sounded very certain to the point where I almost believed him. 

All I want right now is to move far away from him and everyone who knows us. He has turned them against me. I have tried to explain things to anyone I owe an explanation to but no one wants to listen to me. I know Robert will not change if I continue to stay with him. My problem now is the financial aspect of things. I have become so dependent on him that I have nothing for myself. Things will be very difficult for me and the kids if I insist on leaving. Because of this, I am torn between leaving and staying. I feel like I am drowning. Please I need your advice on what next to do. 

Source: Silent Beads

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How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year



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Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.

You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.

The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.

How to make it work

If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.

It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.

It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.

Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.

  • Have realistic expectations

For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.

You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.

  • Show love and affection to your partner

You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for. 

You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.

  • Don’t start talking about the future prematurely

When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.

Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one. 

You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time. 

  • Don’t mention fears prematurely

At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely. 

Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them. 

  • Enjoy moments

One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment. 

Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner. 

The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present. 

  • Communicate effectively

Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process. 

Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.

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5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season



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Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.

Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.

Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:

  • Communication style

This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

  • What to do during conflict

Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

  • The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.

  • Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

  • Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?

Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

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4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x



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There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.

Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.

You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.

Here’s what you can do:

  • You’re on birth control

Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.

These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.

  • You’re on your period

While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim. 

Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.

  • You use the ‘pull-out’ method

The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.

The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.

While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method. 

  • You use a condom

When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin. 

According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.

Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.

While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.

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