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I Lost The Man Who Wanted To Marry Me While Waiting For The One I Truly Loved
In 2016 I met Solo at my workplace. He got my attention with the way he dressed. The way he spoke was a reflection of his gentle soul. I liked him from that very moment. We talked from time to time but we were not people you may call friends. It was when I started studying a degree course that he became a very good friend. He was an SHS teacher and a part-time lecturer in one of the universities around. The course he was lecturing was the course I was also studying in school so that brought a special bond between us.
He offered me his time. He told me, “When you need help with any of the subjects, don’t hesitate to let me know. I will help you get through with it.” I hadn’t been in school since I got my diploma six years ago. I was dusty. I needed all the help I could get so his offer caught my heart right from the moment he said it.
Every day after class I would text him what I learned and he would call me and discuss the topic with me. Sometimes I felt lazy to text him but he would call me regardless. He didn’t let me slack. We had our lessons in classrooms, in his car, in my workplace, or in any place that was convenient to us. During exams week, he went to the extent of forfeiting his lectures just so he could prepare me for my exams. I never took his efforts for granted. I did my best to prove that I was worthy of all the investment he was making in me.
I was single but I wasn’t sure if he was. Our relationship was only the tutoring kind. We barely discussed our personal lives. But when I found myself falling in love with him, I started sharing my personal life with him. I let him know that I was single. I also started telling him about guys who were proposing to me. I wanted to see if he would do anything to show that he was interested in me. I didn’t get what I was looking for but I got something more. He started opening up to me about his own life. From there, the texture of the relationship changed. We got closer and closer by the day than we used to be. He sought my opinion when he moved into a bungalow and wanted to decorate the place. I went with him to town to buy furniture, curtains, electronics, and other home appliances. This made me feel like I was part of his plans and that my feelings for him were something he also felt. Why else would he let me decorate his house?
Every weekend when I cooked, I packaged some and sent it to him. I was hopeful that soon enough he would ask me to be his girlfriend. He spent a lot of time with me and I enjoyed the attention he gave me. What became a problem was when people started spreading rumours that we were dating. Some of my male friends started withdrawing from me because of his constant presence in my life. My colleagues at work started talking. It didn’t take long for my pastor to hear about it. A friend had gotten married when my pastor asked me, “Do you know the person who got married wanted to marry you? Why did him marry someone else?” I was surprised. I said, “I you let didn’t know he was interested in me.” My pastor said, “He believes that you are engaged to that gentleman who seems to follow you everywhere you go.” I told my pastor we were just friends. He said, “Then be careful because no one will approach you if he is always around you.”
I didn’t tell him how I felt about him and he didn’t all say anything. I made up my mind that I would cut him off as soon as my course was over. In my final year, he helped me with my project work. When everything was done, I dedicated the work to him. I graduated in 2019 and Solo was at my graduation. I told him that day, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your sacrifice and commitment to see me succeed. I want you to know that I owe you big time. If you ever need anything, let me know. If it’s in my power I’ll do it for you.”
He smiled and said, “I am proud of you. Thank you for letting me be a part of this journey.” It was an emotional moment, filled with hugs and thanks and gratitude.
He smiled and said, “I am proud of you. Thank you for letting me be a part of this journey.” It was an emotional moment, filled with hugs and thanks and gratitude.
After the graduation ceremony, I cut him off. I didn’t call and didn’t text him. He also never reached out to me. When I heard of him, I heard it through other people. They would tell me, “Solo asked of you the other day.” “Solo has been asking of you from me. Doesn’t he have your number anymore?” I listened to all this but I never called him.
Sometimes I get mad at him. If he is asking people about me then it means he cares about me. So why won’t he call me? Why didn’t he propose to me? And sometimes my anger is because of what my pastor said. How his closeness to me gave the wrong impression and discouraged other men from expressing interest in me. Sometimes too I convinced myself that he didn’t like me romantically. He just wanted to help me study and it was my fault for wanting more from him.
A year after my graduation I got close to one of his friends. The guy asked, “What happened between you and Solo? I know he liked you so how come you didn’t date him?” I replied, “I didn’t know that he liked me. He never told me how he felt.” His friend asked again, “Did you tell him anything about your past relationship?” “Yes, I did,” I answered. “I told him I had been in one relationship. We broke up because the guy tried to force himself on me but I fought him off.” He said, “Oh, that’s why he didn’t propose.”
I was confused. Solo’s friend went on, “You see, Solo is a virgin so he wants to marry a virgin. He probably thinks you slept with your ex. Did you?” It sounded really silly, “No I’m still a virgin.” His friend believes Solo would have proposed if he knew that information. That was my opportunity to contact him and ask if what his friend said was true but I didn’t.
I have convinced myself that maybe we were not meant to be. I’m currently in my mid-thirties and I still haven’t done it. I want to abstain until marriage but it’s difficult. No man wants a relationship with me after I tell them I’m a thirty-something-year-old virgin. It’s either they think I’m lying or they think that would make me difficult to be with. Right now I don’t know if I should just give in to the next man who comes along or if I should continue this path of abstinence. I feel like I might end up single forever.
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Herbal cures for panic attacks: all the facts and more
A range of herbal remedies can help reduce panic attack symptoms. Consider the following options:
- Valerian root has long been used to treat insomnia and anxiety. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
- Chamomile: This plant has relaxing properties and has been long used to relieve anxiety and insomnia. Chamomile tea or supplements may help alleviate panic attack symptoms.
- Lavender: Lavender has long been used to relieve anxiety and tension because of its relaxing scent. Inhaling lavender essential oil or taking a lavender supplement may help relieve panic attack symptoms.
- Kava kava: For centuries, the Pacific Islands have used this plant to relieve anxiety and tension. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
It should be noted that these herbs should not be used in place of professional medical care. If you’re having panic attacks, it’s critical that you obtain the right diagnosis and treatment from a doctor.
What causes panic attacks?
Starting a new career or migrating to a new location, as well as important life events such as getting married or having a kid, can be stressful.
Anxiety or depression in the family: If you have a family history of anxiety or depression, you may be more prone to panic attacks.
Excessive coffee or alcohol consumption, as well as sudden withdrawal or reintroduction, can cause panic attacks.
Medical disorders such as heart disease or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) can also induce panic episodes.
It is crucial to understand that panic episodes can develop for no apparent reason. If you’re having panic attacks and aren’t sure what’s causing them, meeting with a mental health professional for further assessment and therapy may be beneficial.
How can you naturally treat a panic attack?
Deep breathing can help with physical panic attack symptoms like a racing heart and shortness of breath. Take a big breath in with your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale softly through your mouth.
To comfort oneself, employ positive self-talk such as “I can handle this,” “I am safe,” or “This will pass.”
Concentrate on the present: Panic episodes are frequently accompanied by rapid thoughts about the future or the past. Focus on your surroundings and physical sensations in your body to bring your attention back to the present moment.
Relaxation practises such as progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, and yoga may all help you relax and quiet your mind and body.
Seek assistance: Speaking with a trusted friend or family member, as well as consulting a mental health professional, can help you manage panic attacks.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. They will pass, and the more practice you have at dealing with them, the better you will become.
How can you permanently stop panic episodes without medication?
Seek expert assistance: A mental health professional can assist you in determining the reasons for your panic attacks and developing a treatment plan to manage them. Treatment may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other forms of therapy, as well as relaxation methods or lifestyle adjustments.
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation are all relaxation techniques that can help you relax and manage stress and anxiety.
Regular exercise can help you reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. On most days of the week, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity, such as brisk walking or cycling.
Eat a nutritious diet: Eating a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains while avoiding processed and sugary foods will improve your physical and mental health.
Get adequate sleep: Sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.
Recognise and avoid circumstances or activities that may provoke panic attacks, such as coffee or alcohol usage, or specific sorts of environments.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. You may learn to manage panic episodes and minimise their frequency and intensity with training and the correct tactics.
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Health Issues After Quitting Alcohol: Everything You Need to Know
Following the cessation of alcohol drinking, a range of health problems may occur, some of which may be temporary and others of which may be permanent. Here are just a few examples:
- When a heavy drinker quickly stops drinking, they may experience withdrawal symptoms such as tremors, anxiety, and insomnia. In severe cases, alcohol withdrawal can be lethal, necessitating medical attention.
- Some elements, such as vitamin B1, can be inhibited by alcohol, and long-term heavy drinking can lead to deficiencies. These shortfalls can cause a number of health problems, including fatigue, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.
- Alcohol use can contribute to the development of mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and abstaining from alcohol may assist in facilitating these conditions. However, refraining from alcohol may induce or aggravate mental health difficulties in other settings, particularly in persons with a history of mental illness.
- Alcohol use can cause considerable liver damage, such as fatty liver disease, alcoholic hepatitis, and cirrhosis. Abstinence from alcohol can help heal some of the damage, but in extreme situations, the damage may be irreversible.
It’s important to remember that everyone is unique, and the precise health issues that may occur after stopping alcohol may differ depending on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other variables. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential health hazards of abstaining from alcohol and to seek medical attention if necessary.
What happens to your body physiologically after you quit drinking?
When a person stops drinking alcohol, their body adjusts to the lack of alcohol. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, some of which are temporary while others are long-term. Here are some of the things that might happen in a person’s body after they quit drinking:
- Better sleep: Alcohol can interrupt sleep patterns and contribute to poor sleep quality. When a person stops drinking, their sleep may improve because their body no longer has to metabolise the alcohol.
- Alcohol contains a lot of calories, and excessive drinking can contribute to weight gain. Quitting drinking may result in weight loss since the body no longer absorbs the extra calories from alcohol.
- Improved digestion: Alcohol can irritate the lining of the digestive tract, contributing to problems like acid reflux. Quitting alcohol may improve digestion and reduce the number of digestive diseases.
- Better skin health: Alcohol dehydrates the skin, which can contribute to issues such as acne breakouts. Quitting alcohol may improve skin health and reduce skin diseases.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone is unique, and the physical consequences of stopping drinking will vary based on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other circumstances. It’s always a good idea to talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional about the potential consequences of quitting drinking, and to seek medical help if necessary.
The length of time it takes for the body to return to normal after quitting drinking is determined by a number of factors, including the individual’s drinking history, overall health, and the severity of any alcohol-related health problems. The following are some general guidelines for how long it may take for specific physiological systems to return to normal after quitting drinking:
- Alcohol withdrawal symptoms often peak within the first 24-72 hours following the last drink and can persist for several days to a week. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal in severe circumstances, demanding medical intervention.
- Alcohol may affect the brain and nervous system in a variety of ways, and the quantity and duration of alcohol ingested influence how long it takes for these systems to recover. In other circumstances, it may take months or years for the brain to fully heal.
- Heavy drinking may gravely harm the liver, which is in charge of breaking down and metabolising alcohol. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health. The liver may be able to repair itself in certain circumstances, but in others, the damage may be irreversible.
- Alcohol can irritate the digestive system lining, contributing to illnesses such as acid reflux. Within a few days to a week, abstaining from alcohol may result in improved digestion and a reduction in digestive difficulties.
It’s crucial to remember that stopping drinking may not totally cure the body, especially if the person has been drinking heavily for a long time. Long-term alcohol addiction can cause long-term harm to several biological systems in some situations. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential repercussions of stopping alcohol and to seek medical attention if required.
When you stop drinking, how can you know when your liver is healing?
The liver is a powerful organ that can repair itself after alcohol injury. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover varies on the severity of the lesion and the individual’s overall health.
The liver is a strong organ that may heal itself after alcohol damage. The length of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health.
When you stop drinking, there are a few signs that your liver is healing:
The liver creates bile, which aids in fat digestion, which improves digestion. You may notice an improvement in your digestion after you stop drinking.
Alcohol is high in empty calories, which can contribute to weight gain. When you quit drinking, your body starts burning stored fat for energy, causing you to lose weight.
Increased energy: Alcohol might make you lethargic and fatigued. You may experience a rise in energy levels while your liver repairs.
Better skin: Alcohol may cause skin to dry out and become dull. You may notice an improvement in the look and texture of your skin while your liver continues to operate regularly.
It’s crucial to remember that alcohol-related liver damage is typically irreversible, so get medical attention if you’re concerned about the health of your liver. It is never too late to make positive lifestyle changes that will enhance your health and well-being.
What happens once you stop drinking?
Depending on their circumstances and reasons for quitting, each person’s life after stopping alcohol may seem very different. Some people may discover that they have more energy and are more productive, but others may find it difficult to adjust to life without alcohol.
You may notice the following changes after quitting alcohol:
Improved health: Quitting alcohol can bring a variety of health benefits, including a lower chance of developing diseases including liver disease, some cancers, and heart disease. You may experience advantages in your sleep and digestion as well.
More time and money: Drinking alcohol may be costly and time-consuming, especially if you do it regularly. If you stop drinking, you may be able to devote more time and money to other hobbies and activities.
Improved relationships: Alcohol can impair your judgement and conduct, leading to disagreements with loved ones. Quitting alcohol may help you enhance your social ties and communication skills.
Increased self-esteem: Depending on your motivation for quitting drinking, you may experience a feeling of success and satisfaction in your decision. This might boost your self-esteem and happiness.
It is vital to recognise that quitting alcohol is a personal decision, and everyone’s experience will be unique. It may be difficult at times, but the potential benefits are well worth the effort.
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South African roadway fissures as a result of the Johannesburg explosion
One of Johannesburg’s busiest roadways has been extensively damaged as a result of a suspected explosion from an underground gas pipeline.
Videos show portions of the road collapsing and automobiles flipping upside down.
According to authorities, one person was murdered and several were injured.
At the moment of the detonation, some witnesses described feeling the earth shake and then hearing a huge bang.