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I want to leave my boyfriend because he’s always crying
He’s a complete man, a little over six feet tall and muscles all over the places where muscles ought to be. One thing you notice immediately when you see him is his beard. Full grown beard covering his face with his mouth and nose sticking out of the beard. I loved him the very moment I saw him but I wasn’t the kind of woman who will go forward and propose to a man so I laid back. I’m bold and outward but I’m not on that level yet, to propose to a man. He approached me once and it was fire between us. He took my number and the conversation never stopped. He has this huge sense of humour that makes it easy for me to laugh whenever I’m with him. Life seemed smooth with him so when he proposed, I accepted it.
The first thing I noticed about him was how clingy he was. He would call in the morning and ask about my day. In mid-morning he would call again. He would call twice before the afternoon ended and in the evening, he’ll come to my office so both of us would go home together. I didn’t have issues with it at first. New love is always like that. At first, it looks like the two can’t be apart but as time goes on, we learn to live apart from each other.
Close to six months and this man was still like that. When he comes to my house in the evening, he wouldn’t like to leave until I sleep. I wasn’t ready to spend the night with him yet so each time we were together in the evening, the idea was to leave later in the night.
He would like to be with me every day so at some point, I realized I was losing touch with my friends. I couldn’t go to the places they invited me to because if I had to go, I had to go with him. I loved him but I didn’t want that kind of love so I decided to have a conversation with him. It was one of those evenings when he came to me and didn’t want to leave. I told him, “Kobby, you know you don’t have to be with me every day, right? Yes, you’re mine and I’m yours but we ought to have the freedom to live our separate lives too. I’m not saying this to push you away. I’m saying this for you to know that we don’t have to be together all the time.”
His demeanour got sober all of a sudden. He didn’t talk and didn’t express any emotion. I asked him, “Won’t you say anything?” He answered, “You hate my presence and I understand it. What do you want me to say?” I retorted, “Kobby, nooo, that’s not what I mean. I love your presence but what I’m saying is that we don’t have to be together every day just because we love each other’s presence. We love the cold weather but can we enjoy it all year round? No. That’s exactly what I mean.”
This guy left my place and decided not to call or
even text until I call or text him. For over a week I was the one doing the calling. I presumed he was angry with me so I went to visit him one night. Immediately I asked what was wrong, this guy broke down in tears. The way he did it, I thought he was going through issues or something of his was missing. “Kobby, what is it? What trouble are you going through? He started talking through sobs; “It hurts when a woman you love doesn’t appreciate the kind of love you bring to the table. I’m still hurt by the way you spoke to me the other day. What is wrong if the man you love wants to be around all day?” you
In my mind, I was like, “Really? Should this call for tears?” But when I spoke to him I said, “Kobby tell me this is not the reason for your tears. It ought to be bigger than this to call for this kind of tears. Who hurt you? What’s the matter with you?” He answered, “Things like these get me emotional. You don’t know, it hurts when you love someone and the person doesn’t see or appreciate it.” I was quiet for a while. I didn’t know how to approach him in that state of mind. I went to sit next to him, threw my hand around his neck and apologize to him; “It won’t happen again. I didn’t know how deep it goes for you. Forgive me. I love you too, that’s an undeniable fact.”
From there, the relationship took another turn. He started questioning my moves and asking my whereabouts at any given time. He expects me to be home at certain times so when he calls and I’m not home, he gets angry. Once he called me and his call was waiting. I called immediately afterwards and this guy got so angry he hang up on me. I had to go to his house to have a conversation with him. Right in the middle of the conversation, he broke down.
“You’re hurting me. I know this is the reason why you don’t want me around you all the time. So you can get time for those guys too.” I screamed,
“Kobby, I wasn’t talking to a guy. I can show you my call records. It’s a lady friend I was talking to.’ All that while he was speaking through sobs.
“You’re hurting me. You really don’t understand this love and how I want things to be.”
I calmly said, “So must you cry about this too?”
That threw him to the corners of his emotions and he cried like a baby. I asked myself, “What have I gotten myself into?” All my life, I’ve never been the reason a man would cry. I can get a man angry, angry to the extent that he would run away from the relationship but to make a man cry? Never! Even those I left stranded in the relationship didn’t cry, then Kobby happened. When something happens and we both get angry, he’ll end up crying. When I got fed up with his antics and decided to stay off the relationship, he cried. He took my phone and read my messages one evening. A friend of mine called me, “Dear,” and that also drew tears from him. I got fed up and told him to man up; “You’re a man. What is it with you and your tears? Where is the man in you?”
That also drew tears from him; “Obviously you don’t understand the kind of man I am. It’s the reason why you are treating me this way.”
In this relationship, I’m the man. I’m the one who always dry tears from the eyes of the man who is supposed to be my backbone. Honestly, this thing won’t get us anywhere. We’ve dated for a little over a year but I’m already tired and soaked with enough tears. His clinginess bothers me because I love to be with myself sometimes. He’s too jealous that I can’t even breathe around another man without questions. I’ve harboured the desire to walk away for some time now but I don’t know how to go about it. I’m waiting for the next time he cries so I tell him, “It looks like I’m giving you too many tears so it’s better we quit so you can save some tears for the future.”
The whole thing makes me worried. He’s not a bad person. He cares and it is obvious. He loves me and it shows. If only he could keep dry eyes for a while and stay grounded without any sign of jealousy, then this love would thrive but it looks like telling him all these would rather bring in more tears so I rather keep it to myself. My question is, is that normal? There are men in this world who are like my Kobby who cry for no reason? Is that enough reason for me to break up with him? Does it stop at some point?” Too many questions but please tell me something.
Source: Silent Beads
A range of herbal remedies can help reduce panic attack symptoms. Consider the following options:
- Valerian root has long been used to treat insomnia and anxiety. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
- Chamomile: This plant has relaxing properties and has been long used to relieve anxiety and insomnia. Chamomile tea or supplements may help alleviate panic attack symptoms.
- Lavender: Lavender has long been used to relieve anxiety and tension because of its relaxing scent. Inhaling lavender essential oil or taking a lavender supplement may help relieve panic attack symptoms.
- Kava kava: For centuries, the Pacific Islands have used this plant to relieve anxiety and tension. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
It should be noted that these herbs should not be used in place of professional medical care. If you’re having panic attacks, it’s critical that you obtain the right diagnosis and treatment from a doctor.
What causes panic attacks?
Starting a new career or migrating to a new location, as well as important life events such as getting married or having a kid, can be stressful.
Anxiety or depression in the family: If you have a family history of anxiety or depression, you may be more prone to panic attacks.
Excessive coffee or alcohol consumption, as well as sudden withdrawal or reintroduction, can cause panic attacks.
Medical disorders such as heart disease or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) can also induce panic episodes.
It is crucial to understand that panic episodes can develop for no apparent reason. If you’re having panic attacks and aren’t sure what’s causing them, meeting with a mental health professional for further assessment and therapy may be beneficial.
How can you naturally treat a panic attack?
Deep breathing can help with physical panic attack symptoms like a racing heart and shortness of breath. Take a big breath in with your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale softly through your mouth.
To comfort oneself, employ positive self-talk such as “I can handle this,” “I am safe,” or “This will pass.”
Concentrate on the present: Panic episodes are frequently accompanied by rapid thoughts about the future or the past. Focus on your surroundings and physical sensations in your body to bring your attention back to the present moment.
Relaxation practises such as progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, and yoga may all help you relax and quiet your mind and body.
Seek assistance: Speaking with a trusted friend or family member, as well as consulting a mental health professional, can help you manage panic attacks.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. They will pass, and the more practice you have at dealing with them, the better you will become.
How can you permanently stop panic episodes without medication?
Seek expert assistance: A mental health professional can assist you in determining the reasons for your panic attacks and developing a treatment plan to manage them. Treatment may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other forms of therapy, as well as relaxation methods or lifestyle adjustments.
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation are all relaxation techniques that can help you relax and manage stress and anxiety.
Regular exercise can help you reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. On most days of the week, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity, such as brisk walking or cycling.
Eat a nutritious diet: Eating a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains while avoiding processed and sugary foods will improve your physical and mental health.
Get adequate sleep: Sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.
Recognise and avoid circumstances or activities that may provoke panic attacks, such as coffee or alcohol usage, or specific sorts of environments.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. You may learn to manage panic episodes and minimise their frequency and intensity with training and the correct tactics.
Following the cessation of alcohol drinking, a range of health problems may occur, some of which may be temporary and others of which may be permanent. Here are just a few examples:
- When a heavy drinker quickly stops drinking, they may experience withdrawal symptoms such as tremors, anxiety, and insomnia. In severe cases, alcohol withdrawal can be lethal, necessitating medical attention.
- Some elements, such as vitamin B1, can be inhibited by alcohol, and long-term heavy drinking can lead to deficiencies. These shortfalls can cause a number of health problems, including fatigue, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.
- Alcohol use can contribute to the development of mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and abstaining from alcohol may assist in facilitating these conditions. However, refraining from alcohol may induce or aggravate mental health difficulties in other settings, particularly in persons with a history of mental illness.
- Alcohol use can cause considerable liver damage, such as fatty liver disease, alcoholic hepatitis, and cirrhosis. Abstinence from alcohol can help heal some of the damage, but in extreme situations, the damage may be irreversible.
It’s important to remember that everyone is unique, and the precise health issues that may occur after stopping alcohol may differ depending on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other variables. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential health hazards of abstaining from alcohol and to seek medical attention if necessary.
What happens to your body physiologically after you quit drinking?
When a person stops drinking alcohol, their body adjusts to the lack of alcohol. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, some of which are temporary while others are long-term. Here are some of the things that might happen in a person’s body after they quit drinking:
- Better sleep: Alcohol can interrupt sleep patterns and contribute to poor sleep quality. When a person stops drinking, their sleep may improve because their body no longer has to metabolise the alcohol.
- Alcohol contains a lot of calories, and excessive drinking can contribute to weight gain. Quitting drinking may result in weight loss since the body no longer absorbs the extra calories from alcohol.
- Improved digestion: Alcohol can irritate the lining of the digestive tract, contributing to problems like acid reflux. Quitting alcohol may improve digestion and reduce the number of digestive diseases.
- Better skin health: Alcohol dehydrates the skin, which can contribute to issues such as acne breakouts. Quitting alcohol may improve skin health and reduce skin diseases.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone is unique, and the physical consequences of stopping drinking will vary based on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other circumstances. It’s always a good idea to talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional about the potential consequences of quitting drinking, and to seek medical help if necessary.
The length of time it takes for the body to return to normal after quitting drinking is determined by a number of factors, including the individual’s drinking history, overall health, and the severity of any alcohol-related health problems. The following are some general guidelines for how long it may take for specific physiological systems to return to normal after quitting drinking:
- Alcohol withdrawal symptoms often peak within the first 24-72 hours following the last drink and can persist for several days to a week. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal in severe circumstances, demanding medical intervention.
- Alcohol may affect the brain and nervous system in a variety of ways, and the quantity and duration of alcohol ingested influence how long it takes for these systems to recover. In other circumstances, it may take months or years for the brain to fully heal.
- Heavy drinking may gravely harm the liver, which is in charge of breaking down and metabolising alcohol. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health. The liver may be able to repair itself in certain circumstances, but in others, the damage may be irreversible.
- Alcohol can irritate the digestive system lining, contributing to illnesses such as acid reflux. Within a few days to a week, abstaining from alcohol may result in improved digestion and a reduction in digestive difficulties.
It’s crucial to remember that stopping drinking may not totally cure the body, especially if the person has been drinking heavily for a long time. Long-term alcohol addiction can cause long-term harm to several biological systems in some situations. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential repercussions of stopping alcohol and to seek medical attention if required.
When you stop drinking, how can you know when your liver is healing?
The liver is a powerful organ that can repair itself after alcohol injury. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover varies on the severity of the lesion and the individual’s overall health.
The liver is a strong organ that may heal itself after alcohol damage. The length of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health.
When you stop drinking, there are a few signs that your liver is healing:
The liver creates bile, which aids in fat digestion, which improves digestion. You may notice an improvement in your digestion after you stop drinking.
Alcohol is high in empty calories, which can contribute to weight gain. When you quit drinking, your body starts burning stored fat for energy, causing you to lose weight.
Increased energy: Alcohol might make you lethargic and fatigued. You may experience a rise in energy levels while your liver repairs.
Better skin: Alcohol may cause skin to dry out and become dull. You may notice an improvement in the look and texture of your skin while your liver continues to operate regularly.
It’s crucial to remember that alcohol-related liver damage is typically irreversible, so get medical attention if you’re concerned about the health of your liver. It is never too late to make positive lifestyle changes that will enhance your health and well-being.
What happens once you stop drinking?
Depending on their circumstances and reasons for quitting, each person’s life after stopping alcohol may seem very different. Some people may discover that they have more energy and are more productive, but others may find it difficult to adjust to life without alcohol.
You may notice the following changes after quitting alcohol:
Improved health: Quitting alcohol can bring a variety of health benefits, including a lower chance of developing diseases including liver disease, some cancers, and heart disease. You may experience advantages in your sleep and digestion as well.
More time and money: Drinking alcohol may be costly and time-consuming, especially if you do it regularly. If you stop drinking, you may be able to devote more time and money to other hobbies and activities.
Improved relationships: Alcohol can impair your judgement and conduct, leading to disagreements with loved ones. Quitting alcohol may help you enhance your social ties and communication skills.
Increased self-esteem: Depending on your motivation for quitting drinking, you may experience a feeling of success and satisfaction in your decision. This might boost your self-esteem and happiness.
It is vital to recognise that quitting alcohol is a personal decision, and everyone’s experience will be unique. It may be difficult at times, but the potential benefits are well worth the effort.
One of Johannesburg’s busiest roadways has been extensively damaged as a result of a suspected explosion from an underground gas pipeline.
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