It took me days to decide whether or not to share this. In fact, I’m still not sure if sharing it is the right thing to do, but here goes. She’s 28 and I’m 29. We’re not blood relatives, but we do have a cousin in common. Adwoa is my cousin, let me explain. She is the sister of my father’s brother. Nancy (the girl whose story I’m about to tell) is Adwoa’s cousin. My uncle’s wife and Nancy’s father are siblings. I hope this makes sense. When we were kids, we met at a family gathering, and then every Saturday, my siblings and Nancy’s siblings would meet and play at Adwoa’s house. Adwoa’s father is extremely wealthy. They have a large house where many family gatherings take place. When I was 14, Nancy’s brother showed me adult content on his phone. He was more mature. He had no idea that I would later practice what he had shown me on his sister.
I didn’t make her do it. We both desired it. Nancy and I did things between the ages of 14 and 17 that are inappropriate to discuss. We grew closer than anyone else in the family over time. Adwoa had also drifted away. Those Saturday visits to Adwoa’s house ceased as we grew older. But Nancy and I had formed such a strong bond that it didn’t bother us. I broke the rules several times in SHS to see her. That was significant because our Senior High Schools were not located in the same region. However, it is the University that has exacerbated the situation. We attended the same university. While I waited a year before enrolling, she went the same year as me, so we were both there at the same time. I was staying in a four-bed hostel. She was initially in a two-in-one room, but when she had problems with her roommate, she rented a single room near campus.
I eventually moved in with her as well. I don’t need to explain what a man and a woman do when they share a room. We were family to the outside world. We were related. She called me her bestie the majority of the time, and to be honest, I was the closest person to her. We discussed everything. There are no secrets, only openness. I proposed to her at university. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t. We lived like a married couple, and I didn’t expect her to say no to me. I was stunned when she did. She reasoned that I was like family to her. Yes, we do things behind closed doors. I was the first guy she met and her best friend, but she refused to call me her boyfriend. I thought it was a joke until she got a boyfriend and told me about him. She told him I was her cousin and best friend. I tried to avoid her, but I’m not sure if it’s an addiction. We’ll always find a way to get together and do things we shouldn’t.
I was madly in love with her. But I realized she wasn’t feeling the same way about me, so I tried to move on. We’ve both been in and out of relationships over the last few years. But we’ve met every week to do the work. When we meet, we don’t always talk; we just get on with it like robots. It is essentially an addiction. Last year, she married. She dated him for a year and a half. I had her all to myself the night before her wedding and every week since. During this time, she has had one pregnancy terminated. She wasn’t sure about the father and didn’t want to risk anything. Her husband is completely unaware. I’ve been dating this girl for four months now. She is the closest I have come to have Nancy. For the first time, I believe I am falling in love with someone who is not her. I told her that I was sick of doing this to her. I told her I was going to be faithful to my new girl and see how things went. Nancy became envious and enraged at me.
I’m not sure what she’s saying. I’ve tried dating her several times before. She always said no to me, but when I give my full attention to someone else, she becomes envious. As I write this, I’ve been away from her for a week, and she unexpectedly came to my house and enticed me to do something I’ve worked hard to avoid. My girl does not deserve such deception. Her husband, like all the people we’ve dated before today, does not deserve it. She said nothing to me after we were finished. She took a shower and then left as if nothing had happened. I’m sick of it. This is why I’m writing to find out what I should do next. I believe in God, but I don’t think there’s anything spiritual about this. We both started something in our childhood that has had a significant impact on us.
I’m so used to being the helper in every situation that I can’t imagine talking about this with anyone, let alone a therapist. It’s too delicate to discuss. It’s too humiliating. I’m not perfect, but most people think I’m close enough, and I don’t want to upset that perception. Nancy’s husband is a nice person. He adores her. I’m willing to risk my reputation and everything I’ve said about being afraid to open up to anyone to tell him. He deserves to know that for the past year, even before they married, his wife has been sharing me with him. He and I have a good relationship because I’m close to Nancy and visit her frequently. We talk about football and politics a lot. We’ve progressed from acquaintances to friends. I’m not sure he’s mature enough to deal with this truth. I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell him. I’m not sure Nancy will be able to deal with the fallout. What about our loved ones? I can’t even imagine what will happen after that.
I wish with all my heart that this is one of those secrets to take to the grave, but she is not as willing to end it as I am, so I must be drastic. I’ve already threatened her several times with telling her husband, but she knows me too well to dare me. She understands how much I cherish our family and how this news will affect the family, particularly Adwoa, who has been out of the country for years. I’ve brought the problem here for advice and a solution. At this point, I deserve any insult, but I’m hoping for some feedback to help me make a final decision.
(All names used in the story are not the actual names of the characters.)
Source: Anonymous Confessions
