I never thought I would be one of those people who put my story out but my heart is breaking beyond what I can take and I urgently need advice. If there was ever a time that I could curse men it would be now. Never in my life have I felt so let down and betrayed in my life. This is my story.
When I was in senior high school, I wasn’t one of the girls you see running around with the other girls looking for big men to sponsor them. I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t going to be used and dumped. Never. I kept my virginity throughout SSS and even through all of the university. There were a lot of suitors and potential boyfriends and to be honest, s*x was the only thing on their minds. They’d just use marriage as an excuse to get into your pants. Ghanaian men are like that, they think if they mention marriage, it removes the padlock to your underwear. It wasn’t going to work on me.
Not focusing on men brought be a lot of joy especially career-wise. Working in a bank and giving it all my attention meant that my bosses loved my productivity. I didn’t have all of those baby daddy issues, breakup stress and marriage issues. Don’t get me wrong but I was happy for my friends who were paired up. It just wasn’t what I was interested in. My nickname was “Career Woman” and if you think your parents are worrying you about getting married because you’re getting too old, you should meet mine.
I am sure my parents could have had another child within the time they were pressuring me to have one. Anyway, in the course of my rounds one day I went to one of our branches to perform a risk assessment. The minute I entered, I realized there were too many people waiting to be served but there was an old woman in particular who was standing in the queue. She badly needed to sit but it took the outburst of this young guy to cause someone to give up their seat. I found it very charming of him as you don’t see many acts of chivalry of late especially when it comes to men. It was a coincidence that I met him on the way home and offered him a lift. He was still in university at the time so I took him to campus.
We had a very interesting conversation and he came across as very mature even his thinking and he was only 22!
We grew close after that, I became his mentor and even helped him pay for tuition and other costs he incurred. I mean, I only have one sister and we were doing okay as a family financially so taking care of an extra person wasn’t a problem. We even used him as a handyman whenever we needed someone to change the bulbs or fix something in the house and he didn’t mind. He becomes close to my family. Now I don’t know whether this is when things went wrong.
I had become so dependent on him for everything that I perhaps took it too far. He was only 22 and I was 29. I was suffering from back pain badly on one of the weekends and since he was fixing something in the house, I called him to give me a massage. It was all okay at first but he mistakenly touched me somewhere and it triggered my feelings. It was just above my thigh but I didn’t say anything. A few minutes later it happened again and I knew it was on purpose. I jokingly said to him “you know I’m your big sister, right?” and he said, “I know.” I didn’t stop him the third time as he went all the way. I had reached the point of no return and before I realized we were having s*x.
It was my first time and I was still a bit green even though I was older. He took control and moved me about like a pro and it was the best feeling, trust me. I was so shocked after that I didn’t know what to say. I became addicted and would often call him to come over to “fix things”. I think my family suspected that there was something happening but I kept him as my toyboy and the relationship secret. He never complained and we used to make fun of our special relationship by booking appointments and all till I got pregnant. I swore to never tell him and I realized I was pregnant early enough so I had it aborted because there was no way I was going to tell my family and friends that I was carrying a baby for someone who was young enough to be my brother. But this world is funny because in the seven years that we’ve had this “situation-ship”, I have had another abortion.
I decided to tell him the second time I got pregnant but he was torn apart saying that he wasn’t ready to have a child considering his circumstances and even when I promised to take care of the child and everything, he reassured me that he wanted us to be together and take an active part in the child’s life by being responsible and helping with the finances so we needed to plan for it. Again, to me, that was a mature way to put it so I went ahead to do another abortion. The hurt was more painful than the first time and I was told explicitly by the doctor that my chances of having a baby had reduced drastically because of the scarring the procedures had caused.
I turned 35 over the weekend and my little sister came to me with tears of joy. After hugging her and calming her down she said she had a birthday present for me. She’d accepted a marriage proposal and wanted me to be maid-of-honour. I was a bit jealous because she’d be getting married first but I felt happy for her and asked to see which “idiot” had fallen for her. We laughed and she said I knew him but I was a bit confused because we don’t share the same friends so when she showed me a picture of this same boy I’ve been pregnant for twice I could feel my head spinning. I just burst into tears and lied through my teeth that they were more tears of joy.
I’ve been stuck in my room crying since Monday and I can’t believe I’ve been taken for a fool. There’s no way in heaven or hell I’m going to let this marriage happen. I haven’t confronted the guy because my hands shake every time I pick up the phone. Where do I start from again at my age? I might not even be able to have a child. How do I get away from this mess?
I’ve been stuck in my room crying since Monday and I can’t believe I’ve been taken for a fool. There’s no way in heaven or hell I’m going to let this marriage happen. I haven’t confronted the guy because my hands shake every time I pick up the phone. Where do I start from again at my age? I might not even be able to have a child. How do I get away from this mess?
