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I’ve done two abortions for my auntie’s husband and pregnant again for him but my boyfriend thinks he’s responsible



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I have a confession to make and I hope I feel a little bit better after making this confession. So I am a 21-year-old girl. I turned 21 this past June and after SHS, I haven’t furthered my education nor do I have any plans of doing so.

My mum sells fruits in front of our house and I was helping her but it wasn’t something I enjoyed doing. One day, my auntie, that’s my mum’s younger sister came to visit us. She was in her thirtees around that time and newly married with a baby on the way. She spoke with my mum for long and she needed someone to come and stay with her to help her when she gives birth and also help with cleaning the house.

My mum told her it was my choice if I wanted to join her or not. I was 16 years and I was in SHS at that time.

My auntie spoke to me and told me she will take good care of me if I come and stay with her. She said if I comport myself well, she will let me learn a trade or dressmaking after SHS so I agreed.

That’s how I started staying with them. At this point I feel very bad. My auntie’s husband is a serious womaniser who likes young girls. Within a few weeks of staying with them he started touching me in very strange ways.

When I am in the kitchen cooking, he will come and stand behind me and rub his thing on my butt in a way that I will feel it. His wife may be breastfeeding the baby or doing something in the hall. I know many people will say I am a bad girl for also keeping quiet but the truth is that I was scared no one will believe me.

All I have been doing is to tell him to stop and my heart will also be beating because I didn’t want any trouble. But the man continued doing that. Then he will be touching my breasts at the least chance.

He can just meet me in the room when his wife is not around and he will press my breasts and touch my butt without saying anything, then he will just pass with a smile. Sometimes he will look at me and say girls today develop too early and I shouldn’t blame him for touching me the way he does.

When the baby started growing, my auntie was leaving her for me and going to work. I was mostly the only one at home because they will all go to work and leave me and I was used to it. One day her husband came home early. Around 2pm.

I had just fed the baby and placed her down to sleep and I myself was dozing of a bit when he came. He started touching touching me. I was around 17 years then. Sometimes I blame myself because I feel like maybe if I had resisted him more he would have stopped. I just told him to stop but he was whispering that it will just be a few minutes and it will be over. That day, he broke my virginity and I cried after it was all over, but he walked out as if it was nothing. It became normal for him now and he will intentionally be late for work so that his wife will leave early, then he will have s*x with me.

The first time I told him I was pregnant, he looked at me and told me it wasn’t a problem at all and we will sought it out. His wife went to work and he took me to clinic and we aborted the baby. I did another abortion the following year and at this point I was ready to tell my auntie. I didn’t care if she will not believe me anymore or not. But somewhere last year, I got a boyfriend in the area. The guy loves me so much and I don’t even know why. He has been treating me well. At first my auntie didn’t like it. But when she saw how respectful my boyfriend is, she accepted him and he was even visiting me at home a lot. I got pregnant again. This is my third pregnancy and my auntie’s husband is the father. I have s*x with my boyfriend during my safe period, but my auntie’s husband does not care about safe period. He eats me anytime he feels like it so I know it’s his child. Even the timing shows that it’s his child.

If I tell him I was carrying his baby again, he will make me abort it, so this time I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant. It was difficult for him, but he did the right thing by informing his parents who also came to tell my auntie and my mother. Now they are waiting for me to give birth so they do a small marriage for my boyfriend and me. The big problem is that my auntie’s husband has gone to impregnate another girl who is about 18 or 19. She came to inform my auntie with her family. This man denied it even to the point of cursing himself and my auntie foolishly believed him.  Now I don’t know if I should tell me auntie what the man has been doing to me so that it will help her believe that what the girl is saying is true. Her husband is a devil yet she doesn’t see it.

Her husband is in his 40s, yet he likes teenagers. I want to expose him. He has to pay for using me and possibly other young girls. If I tell my auntie about the abortions I have done for her husband and the fact that the baby I’m now carrying is not my boyfriend’s but her husband’s, it will spoil all my chances with my boyfriend. He will leave me and not marry me so I am tempted to keep quiet. Please can you guys tell me what to do? Keeping this secret is really worrying me.

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How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year



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Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.

You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.

The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.

How to make it work

If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.

It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.

It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.

Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.

  • Have realistic expectations

For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.

You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.

  • Show love and affection to your partner

You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for. 

You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.

  • Don’t start talking about the future prematurely

When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.

Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one. 

You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time. 

  • Don’t mention fears prematurely

At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely. 

Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them. 

  • Enjoy moments

One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment. 

Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner. 

The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present. 

  • Communicate effectively

Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process. 

Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.

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5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season



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Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.

Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.

Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:

  • Communication style

This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

  • What to do during conflict

Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

  • The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.

  • Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

  • Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?

Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

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4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x



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There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.

Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.

You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.

Here’s what you can do:

  • You’re on birth control

Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.

These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.

  • You’re on your period

While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim. 

Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.

  • You use the ‘pull-out’ method

The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.

The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.

While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method. 

  • You use a condom

When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin. 

According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.

Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.

While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.

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