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Just A Week After A Fight, He Found A New Girlfriend. I Want Him Back



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The first time we fought, it was about a bottle of water. But before that, life was awesome between me and David. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t speak a lot but when he does, his words are direct and straight to the point.

I wished he could speak more because I love talking. I wanted us to have banter. I wanted us to be playful, the kind of play lovers usually do. I wanted us to stay awake and talk all night while I’m by his side but David isn’t that kind of guy. He’s his work and his work is him. I can be with him all day and the only time I would have his attention is when he wants to tell me something.

“David, I come here because of you but you leave me all alone and do whatever you want to do. You don’t find me interesting? Or your idea of spending quality time together is me walking around here while you stay on your computer?” I complained. He would look at me and say, “Give me a little time and I will finish working. We can have the whole time to ourselves.” The sad thing is, that David never finishes working. He can leave his machine at 1 am, wake up at 5 am and still have something to do.

I wasn’t enjoying the relationship so I made it a point to cause the change I wanted in the relationship. That was the beginning of our friction. He complained, “Why do you always want to push me to the wall? Can’t I do my work because I have a girlfriend?” I would keep quiet and walk to the bedroom and press my phone. There was always this lingering anger in my heart but I controlled it. One day, he stayed on his laptop all day. I did everything to distract him but he didn’t give me a face. And then he called me, “Akorfa, can you get me a bottle of water from the fridge?”

On an ordinary day, I wouldn’t be triggered by such a request. This is a guy who had ignored me all day and when he wanted water, he decided to call me. I said, “You don’t have legs? Or you need lorry fare to get to the fridge?” He said no other word. He sat there for a while and later got up to get his own water. I was happy. The look on his face felt like I’d been able to get under his skin and it made me happy.

Soon it was time to go. He was lying on the couch when I told him I was leaving. He had to get up and see me off but he didn’t mind me, so I held his hand and tried to pull him off the couch. He thrust both legs forward in an attempt to kick me with his legs. Fortunately, he missed.

“You’re lucky I missed. You think you can disrespect me the way you did and still ask me to see you off, you must be mad.” I’m the kind of girl who wouldn’t keep quiet when attacked so I responded and it turned into a give-and-take.

For several minutes we were there exchanging words. He held the back of my neck and push me out of his room. I swore I will never go back again but as time went on the anger thawed so we apologized to each other and promised to be better.

I made him promise me that he would have time for me and also have time to talk to me. He said, “I understand. I will change.” He changed for three days and got back to normal. Within the three days that he changed, a lot of things got better. We watched movies together, discussed them, made jokes about each other and even had a pillow fight. My desire was slowly happening right before my eyes but a few days later, the dream was dead. He was back to the corner of his room where he spent forever on his laptop.

Then the second fight happened. All day this guy was on his machine. The annoying part was I had no intention of seeing him that day. After the first fight, I reduced the number of times I visited him and he saw the change in me. So when he called that day and I told him I had no plans of seeing him, he drove to my house to pick me up. We got to his place and ate. He was the one who turned the TV on. Just when we were about to hit Netflix and chill, he said, “Wow, I forgot. I have something to do. Give me just thirty minutes to finish it, I would be with you soon.”

So I paused the movie and laid there waiting for him.

I heard the game sound on his computer. I asked, “Are you playing games?” He answered, “No, I’ll be with you soon. He never came. After several hours of trying to get his attention, I got up to leave. When I was going I didn’t say anything to him, I stepped out and locked him in and took the keys with me. If he said something to me, I would have returned the keys but this guy watched me walk away as if my presence didn’t mean a thing to him.

I got home before I saw his call. He asked, “Why did you lock me inside?” I answered, “I thought you’ll never know. After all, you don’t go anywhere. So stay inside there and work on your computer” He started shouting; “If you don’t come and open the door, I swear you wouldn’t like what I would do to you next time when I see you.” I answered, “You won’t even see me again? Be there and make babies with your laptop.”

I never went to open the door. I called around 10 pm and he didn’t pick up. I thought he was sleeping so I also slept. The next morning when I called he said, “You made me destroy my door. Thank you but pray I never see you one on one anytime soon. Just pray.”

For a whole week, we never met. I sent him messages apologizing for my action but he never responded so I gathered courage and went to his house. I saw the door. It was badly damaged. It looks like he used brute force to break it so he had to replace the whole door. I felt bad. I went in and kneel down to apologize. He said, “No need to apologize. When you left, I replaced everything that was broken, the door and you. Do you see a new door? Yeah, there’s a new girl too. If you wait for a little while she would be here.”

He didn’t look at me until I left. Since then, he has been posting photos of himself and another girl and writing lovely captions. I feel like he’s only taunting me. It’s just something he’s doing to hurt me. He doesn’t offer me the chance to apologize to him. I go to his place and he locks the door. I call him and he cuts the line. I text him and he warns me to stop texting him; “Do you want to destroy my relationship? Don’t you know my girlfriend will be angry when she sees these messages?”

Now I’m the one hurting. I have the faith that everything would be fine but each day, he drifts away a little more than the previous day. It looks like I’m losing him. What should I do to get him back? I’ve used a couple of his friends but it didn’t work. I need your advice. I can’t lose him. Even if he will accept me back and spend forever on his computer, I won’t complain. I’m desperate.


How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year



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Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.

You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.

The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.

How to make it work

If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.

It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.

It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.

Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.

  • Have realistic expectations

For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.

You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.

  • Show love and affection to your partner

You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for. 

You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.

  • Don’t start talking about the future prematurely

When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.

Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one. 

You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time. 

  • Don’t mention fears prematurely

At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely. 

Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them. 

  • Enjoy moments

One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment. 

Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner. 

The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present. 

  • Communicate effectively

Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process. 

Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.

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5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season



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Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.

Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.

Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:

  • Communication style

This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

  • What to do during conflict

Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

  • The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.

  • Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

  • Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?

Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

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4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x



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There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.

Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.

You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.

Here’s what you can do:

  • You’re on birth control

Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.

These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.

  • You’re on your period

While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim. 

Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.

  • You use the ‘pull-out’ method

The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.

The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.

While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method. 

  • You use a condom

When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin. 

According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.

Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.

While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.

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