My wife has denied me sex for 5 years. Is there a way to save my marriage?
This is a delicate subject that is tough to discuss. But I’ve gotten desperate, and the two counselors we’ve met haven’t done anything to assist. My wife was a rape victim. I was quite tolerant of her when she told me after we started dating. My father-in-law’s close friend molested her when she was 12 years old. The man is currently being held in Nsawam jail. He’s been there for all of these years.
My wife’s family made the error of not consulting a psychologist for her after she had such a horrible occurrence in her youth. She became a very shy girl who kept mostly to herself. She even admitted to me that she had acquired a fear of males and that she couldn’t go anywhere alone. She would not go until she is accompanied.
I was the first male she had ever dated. Even with that, it was far from easy. She was warm and chatty with me one minute then nasty and withdrawn the next. She refused to speak to me or any other man. It took me a long time to get her to open up to me. Nothing occurred the first time we attempted to have s*x.
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She couldn’t get wet, and she couldn’t communicate with me. I believed she wasn’t interested in me at first, but she told me about her upbringing and I pledged to assist her. That’s when we went to visit our first therapist. I was paying for it, and the reality is that things improved after a few months, and we were able to have s*x despite the difficulties.
We didn’t have sx too much during our relationship period because of how sensitive the matter was. It is tough to cure psychological difficulties. The counselling was effective, although there were several setbacks. To cut a long tale short, we married. During our honeymoon, she refused to have any sort of penetrative sx. She made the decision the minute we arrived at our hotel after the ceremony, and I didn’t want to start the wedding night with an argument, so I focused on other things. We went out a lot and had a lot of fun at night, despite the fact that she wouldn’t let me use my joystick.
We performed some oral work, which was a lot of fun. When she was OK, I would m*sturbate to relieve the strain. After the honeymoon, I took my time with her and waited for her to warm up to me, but she still didn’t want us to do the actual thing, even if we were doing it while courting. She had been seeing a psychologist all along, but there had been no progress.
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I contacted yet another therapist. Her sessions were more expensive, but I accepted them since I wanted my wife to improve and open up to me. Within the first year of therapy, she began to allow us to have s*x again, even becoming wet and initiating the lovemaking was a problem. She became pregnant as a result of this and gave birth to a daughter. My wife relapsed after delivery. She stopped sleeping next to me on the bed because it was so unpleasant.
She was appalled by the sight of me, and no matter what I tried, it didn’t work. The counselling sessions continued for about two years after that, and the results were the same. As a result, I stopped paying for it, and she stopped attending. I went two years without having s*x with my wife or anybody else after our baby was born. She wouldn’t let me hug, cuddle, or even kiss her.
I recall one day when I was in such a good mood that I was able to persuade her. Even though she ordered me to stop, I began removing her clothes. Then she screamed that I was raping her, and I came to a halt. She stopped sleeping in our bedroom after that and moved her belongings into the spare room. I had pledged to be patient with her, but I couldn’t. It had gotten to the point where we couldn’t even sit down and converse as husband and wife without arguing. I began to spend more time outside.
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She doesn’t mind if I arrive home late. After work, I began driving around, meeting young females and having sx with them. Being denied sx by my own wife for over three years had an impact on me. But every time I sleep with these young females, I feel guilty and swear I’ll never do it again.
When I get home and try to begin something with my wife, she will fight with me about it. I’m not sure whether there are any rape victims listed on the page. Can rape eliminate your sexual impulses to the point that you can go years without having s*x and be fine? Our kid will turn five in December. My wife and I haven’t done it since she was born. I’d like to have another child. We considered having at least three children, and she agreed.
I questioned her about having another kid. She stated that she has no desire for sx, so if I can agree and pay for artificial insemination, she will be fine with it. I have the ability to do artificial insemination. But why should we put ourselves through that when we can have sx, have fun, and produce babies? I am currently on the point of divorcing her. My tolerance has now run out, but I’d like to know if there’s one more option to rescue my marriage.
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To rekindle my wife’s affection for me. We don’t bathe together as much as we used to. We even don’t sleep in the same bed. I still love her, but I don’t think any married man can go years without sleeping with a woman he married. It’s quite difficult. I haven’t cheated on her in over five months. I dislike doing it and do not wish to do it again. However, this implies I haven’t had any sex. I’ve told her how badly she’s torturing me, and all I want is for her to let me make love to her. I discussed the situation with her parents. They only told me to be patient with her and to comprehend what she went through as a youngster. But I gave it my all.
As a married guy without affection from the lady I love, I am hurting. Divorce is the only answer I see right now. I’ve done everything I possibly could for her. I can’t make her open her legs for me. I feel fortunate to have a daughter from our marriage. The notion of my wife being a lesbian has entered my mind countless times, but she hasn’t shown any evidence of it. She simply does not enjoy sx, whether with a guy or a woman. We were arguing one day when she told me that her feelings had died. She has no desire for sx for anyone, and I’m not the issue.
My people help me. I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m not sure what else will make her change after 7 years of marriage and numerous years of counselling with two different therapists. I apologise for the lengthy post, but I’m anxious for answers.
Source: Anonymous Confessions
How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year
Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.
You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.
The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.
How to make it work
If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.
It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.
It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.
Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.
- Have realistic expectations
For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.
You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.
- Show love and affection to your partner
You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for.
You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.
- Don’t start talking about the future prematurely
When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.
Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one.
You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time.
- Don’t mention fears prematurely
At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely.
Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed.
You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them.
- Enjoy moments
One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment.
Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner.
The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present.
- Communicate effectively
Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process.
Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.
5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season
Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.
Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.
These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.
Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.
Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:
- Communication style
This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.
In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.
- What to do during conflict
Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.
- The type of commitment you want
To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?
As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.
It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?
A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.
- Personal space
Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?
Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.
4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x
There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.
Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.
You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.
Here’s what you can do:
- You’re on birth control
Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.
These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.
- You’re on your period
While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim.
Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.
- You use the ‘pull-out’ method
The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.
The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.
While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method.
- You use a condom
When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin.
According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.
Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.
While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.
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