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People judge me for being HIV+ until they find out how I got it

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People judge me for being HIV until they find out how I got it

I’m HIV+, well I used to hide it when I was in Ghana four years ago because of the stigma and illiteracy. Recently, I saw the newspaper headlines on social media about the number of HIV cases recorded within six months and I was shocked. The level of carelessness and mere disregard for our well-being as young people always baffles me.

But then not all the positive cases came as a result of carelessness or a reckless attitude. In my case, I was a victim, a naive victim who trusted my husband for years and never saw any signs that will make me doubt him. The day I realised what had happened and the harm that had been caused, I nearly attempted suicide.

I left a short note to my family to blame my husband for my death. But after writing down whatever it is I wrote, I couldn’t bring myself to hanging myself in the room. I thought about my mother and my family who loved me so much and I just broke down in pain.

The years that will follow would be a roller coaster ride that will strengthen me in becoming the HIV advocate that I am today. I got married in 2016, I was 28 years of age and we had been in a relationship for two years. I was working hard to keep my catering start-up running and he was a public servant. We were happy, we were in love. We trusted each other as every married couple should.

When we were going to get married, we did a lot of medical checks. We even did that on our own to find out if we were compatible. We knew our genotypes, but we checked them again to be very sure. I got pregnant in the year 2017 and it was through the pregnancy that the doctor found out I was HIV+.

Apparently, the hospital did tests that I didn’t know of and the doctor claimed I was showing certain symptoms that weren’t just hormonal so she did all the tests necessary. When she told me, I was so sure it was a mistake that I asked for another test to be done and it came out positive again.

I went to another hospital to check and it was the same. I told my husband about my test and after acting innocent and telling me it must have been a mistake, he turned it on me and told me to open up to him if I had cheated on him.

He was gaslighting the whole situation, turning it all on me. I have never cheated on him and he knew it. I encouraged him to go and check his status. He looked at me blankly like he wanted to say something like he already knew.

Then he told me to forgive him. He said he found out just a few weeks ago and I was already pregnant so it wasn’t as if he could do anything about it. He told me he cheated just once, it was with a girl he met at a tour about six months ago.

He travelled to Dubai for a few days with a travel and tour company. It wasn’t his first time. It was something he did almost yearly even before he met me. This was for a few days, so I couldn’t object to it because if I did, it will become a fight and I didn’t want that. So my husband went to Dubai, met a girl and had unprotected sex with her.

I was distraught. I didn’t know who to turn to. He couldn’t bare to see me in the pain I was in so he left home and went somewhere I don’t know. He switched his phone off and his own family couldn’t reach him after I told them the cause of our separation.

I lost my pregnancy a few weeks after that and this plunged me further into depression until I got to the point where I wanted to end my life so that I wouldn’t feel the pain anymore.

Thankfully, my family came to my aid. My cousins and siblings helped me out of the pain. I went through a lot of counselling and I was educated that this is not a death sentence. I started taking ARVs and then I had an opportunity to go to the US through one NGO I started working with.

My advocacy started in the US. I was tired of being silent about my status. When I tell people I’m HIV+, they judge me, especially the African community in the US. But when I narrate my story to them, they feel pity for me. I don’t need pity, I want to educate everyone I encounter that HIV is real.

Being married or being in a committed relationship doesn’t guarantee that you will stay negative. How well do you trust your spouse? I’m officially divorced now. My husband has tried to reach out to ask for my forgiveness. But this is the issue with Africans.

We hurt people in irreparable ways and we expect that the people will forgive us just because we show remorse. That’s just not it. My ex-husband is on the top of the list of my regrets in life. I don’t know what forgiveness is. I have moved on.

Now my family home in Ghana, I want y’all to take responsibility for your health. Life is too precious. The numbers on the frontpage of that newspaper is incredibly devastating. Education should increase, advocacy should increase.

Condoms, Prep and other protective sexual methods should be loud everywhere. Come on folks, enough of the politics, these are issues we need to talk about more. I will be visiting Ghana soon and I hope to add my voice to this call. Stay blessed y’all.

Source: Anonymous Confessions

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Woman confesses that her spouse always defecates in bed as he’s ready to ‘cum’

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"I've been married for eleven months now. My spouse has had this problem since we started dating till now. The problem is that whenever my husband and I have sex and he is ready to cum and it is at its climax, he eases himself into the bed. "We've tried to get him to stop, but he always complains it's too sweet and he can't contain himself. As a result, we decided that he would always relax himself before we started having sex. "But he will continue to do it while cuming. I refused to give him sex while we were dating because it was horrible. I married him because despite it, he is a responsible, nice, and caring spouse."

A Ghanaian lady who is married to a “loving and responsible husband” is looking for help dealing with what she describes as “disgusting” sexual encounters with her spouse.

The married woman with two children has said that her husband always defecates in bed when he is at his height of ecstasy during sex.

Revealing her traumatic situation to Ms. Nancy on Confessions on TV3, she stated that she is considering quitting her eleven-month marriage because she cannot bear it any longer.

“I’ve been married for eleven months now. My spouse has had this problem since we started dating till now. The problem is that whenever my husband and I have sex and he is ready to cum and it is at its climax, he eases himself into the bed.

“We’ve tried to get him to stop, but he always complains it’s too sweet and he can’t contain himself. As a result, we decided that he would always relax himself before we started having sex.

“But he will continue to do it while cuming. I refused to give him sex while we were dating because it was horrible. I married him because, despite it, he is a responsible, nice, and caring spouse,” she narrated.

According to her, the situation is impacting her mental health because all attempts to settle her issue have failed.

“I’m going through a lot because it makes me puke; mentally, I’m breaking down. I’m not sure whether to quit the marriage because we currently have two children. I tried every possible solution to the problem, but nothing worked,” she said.

She is presently seeking assistance to deal with the circumstance, as the problem is harming her mental health.

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I prefer to masturbate than have sex with my husband – Lady shares ordeal

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She stated that she has always felt sexually unfulfilled after intercourse, therefore she chooses to masturbate to satisfy herself rather than having sex with her boyfriend. "Within two minutes, he had come. As a result, I avoid him and prefer to masturbate to satisfy my sexual cravings since, as soon as we start having sex, he has come and the item will stand," she said Ms. Nancy on Confessions on TV3.

A Ghanaian woman has expressed her sexual discontent with her spouse.

The lady, whose identity has been kept hidden, told Confessions on TV3 that her spouse never stays in bed for more than two minutes.

She stated that she has always felt sexually unfulfilled after intercourse, therefore she chooses to masturbate to satisfy herself rather than having sex with her boyfriend.

“Within two minutes, he had come. As a result, I avoid him and prefer to masturbate to satisfy my sexual cravings since, as soon as we start having sex, he has come and the item will stand,” she said to Ms. Nancy on Confessions on TV3.

Meanwhile, Life Coach Ebenezer Quaye, a guest on the show, encouraged lovers to share feedback to each other after participating in physical intimacy with their loved ones.

This, he argued, will inspire spouses to work on their sexual deficiencies.

“If you are having sex and do not receive feedback from your wife, there is a problem.” Wives should also provide feedback to their spouses. “It’s so nice and encouraging,” he commented.

He also gave some strategies for improving sexual shortcomings between lovers.

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How my husband sex trafficked me for 13 years

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When I was about 14 years old, one of my neighbours came over and invited me to a pool party. "It's going to be fun." She said. "Sure. "I would love to." I didn't have many friends, so it felt good to be part of something for once. I got my bathing suit and followed the girl. Before we arrived at the place, we encountered a small gathering of teens. There was one person who stood out from the crowd. He had everyone's attention, and everyone wanted to speak with him. My companion began heading towards them, and I followed her.

I learned that life was unfair at an early age, and in the worst way conceivable. My stepfather used to sexually assault me, and when I eventually had the bravery to denounce him, he received only three months of treatment as punishment and was allowed to live with me again.

My mother brought him back for financial reasons, but she kept us apart. They slept below, while we slept above. Nevertheless, I was traumatised and lived in terror. As if I hadn’t gone through enough pain, I met a man who I believed loved me and who sex trafficked me.

When I was about 14 years old, one of my neighbours came over and invited me to a pool party.

“It’s going to be fun.” She said.

“Sure. “I would love to.”

I didn’t have many friends, so it felt good to be part of something for once. I got my bathing suit and followed the girl. Before we arrived at the place, we encountered a small gathering of teens. There was one person who stood out from the crowd. He had everyone’s attention, and everyone wanted to speak with him. My companion began heading towards them, and I followed her.

“Hello, Greg. I invite you to meet my buddy Wendy. “Wendy, this is Greg.” She spoke to the guy.

Greg turned to me, smiled, and extended his hand before saying, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

At that point, my knees were weak. My heart began beating, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

“Can I get your number?” He asked.

“Sure,” I responded and handed it to him.

I didn’t expect him to call, but later that night he did, and we spoke for hours. That was the start of a relationship that led to my being sex trafficked.

Greg understood how to make me feel appreciated, which is all I wanted. We became amorous quickly, and I fell pregnant soon after. I had been under my mother’s care since I was 17 years old when I had my child. Greg demanded that I leave my mother’s house so that we could make our relationship work.

“How am I going to do that?” I asked.

“I’ve got a plan. You may relocate to a shelter, where they will consider you emancipated from your parents, and then you will be eligible for welfare checks, and we will be able to get an apartment and live happily ever after.” He explained.

At the time, it seemed like a fairy tale, and I was all in. I ran away from home, and Greg took me and my kid to a shelter. However, life at the shelter was not as easy as Greg made it appear.

It took long for me to receive my first welfare check, and I was running out of baby goods. So I contacted Greg and told him I needed money to take care of our child.

“Don’t worry, I have a job for us to do.” He said.

I assumed he meant cleaning people’s homes because that’s what he told me he did for money. So I picked up my kid and went to see him.

“What are we going to do?” I asked Greg.

“Well, you’re going to walk up this street, wait on that corner for a man to pick you up and you’ll have sex with that man in his car and he’ll pay you.” He explained without emotion.

I was perplexed and apprehensive, but he kept bringing up my daughter and insisting that if I loved her, I would do it. I felt like I had no option. My knees and hands shook as I proceeded to where he had instructed me to stand. As soon as I arrived, a car stopped in front of me, and the driver requested me to get in. That’s how my spouse started sex trafficking me.

“I know a place we can go in the woods.” He said.

I did not say anything. When we arrived in the woods, we both exited and walked to a private location where he began removing his clothing. I took off mine, we had sex, and he gave me the money before driving me back to where he had picked me up.

When I came out, I went to Greg, who was still standing in the same location and handed him all of the money.

“I love you.” I knew I had made the proper decision in choosing you as my wife. He said.

We went to purchase diapers and formula for the baby and had a little extra. However, a week later, we were out of diapers again.

That time, he encouraged me to take on two or three customers so that I might earn enough money to leave the shelter.

“Do you want your daughter to live in a shelter for the rest of her life?” He asked.

From there, he started one of the greatest prostitution networks in the region. It comprised four to ten females from various states. He sexually trafficked me for 13 years while I was still married to him. It varied from once a week to every other day, depending on how much money he received from the other females. I worked as a street girl, and escort, and made house calls. Not to add that I have two more children with him.

People continually questioned me why I stayed with him for so long, but no matter what I told them, they couldn’t comprehend what I was going through. Greg hooked us to drugs and physically abused us if we attempted to escape. He would also send the other girls to find any girl who had gone and beat her until she returned. I felt bonded to the other females since we weren’t permitted to have outside contact. So, anytime I managed to flee, I felt horrible and returned because I didn’t want them to suffer.

After 13 years, I was finally free of Greg. I had recently given birth and was in the kitchen making supper for us when I noticed police cruisers outside our house. The cops swooped in, arrested Greg, and detained me for interrogation.

However, I refused to talk to them because I was afraid Greg would beat me if he found out. Because I did not comply, they accused me of sex trafficking and sentenced me to 23 months in prison. Greg was also charged with sex trafficking and was sentenced to ten years in jail.

My children were removed while I was in prison, and because the judge in the custody case felt I was a sex trafficker, she promised that I would not be granted custody of my children. When I got out, I returned to school and earned an associate’s degree. In addition, I returned to the same judge who heard my custody case to request custody of my kid. I went with my attorneys, counsellors, and even the police officers who detained me to explain my situation to the court.

She returned my child to me, and I returned home to live with my mother, who sadly died later. Today, I feel comfortable and satisfied, which is a wonderful place to be. I’ve realised that there are individuals eager to help those who have faced the same hardships that I have, and if you’re going through anything similar, you don’t have to suffer alone or in silence.

This narrative is based on the Unfiltered Stories YouTube video.

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