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The Preacher Who Made It Possible For Me To Run From The Married Man I Was Dating
Years ago I was dating this married man who from all indications loved his wife from here to the moon and back. I’m not assuming, he told me that himself. He said, “I loved my wife and my family and there’s nothing I won’t do for them but you here serve a special purpose. A purpose my wife is too old to serve and too distracted to care. I asked him, “So what purpose is that?” He answered, “Of course, you should know. We’ve been married for over eighteen years. Things are not the same. We have kids and have responsibilities. Sometimes it looks like we have the world upon our shoulders and if we drop it the world may crash. We are always solving a problem and this process of solving a problem today and tomorrow gets a man tired. Sometimes I need a distraction and that’s where you come in but that doesn’t mean I love you any less. I picked you because if I met you today without my wife in my life, I would have picked you.”
I was a twenty-two-year-old woman who was looking for her place in the world. I hadn’t taken a step yet but the world was already difficult for me so I looked up to him for so many things and he provided. He paid my school fees and he paid my hostel fees. He paid for clothes and paid for shoes. I could stand in the mirror and look at myself from hair to toe and ask, “What on me didn’t he buy?” I wouldn’t get any so I will look into the eyes of my reflection and say, “I’m grateful for him. Had it not been him, where would I be? Naked? Maybe not but it would have been difficult to look the way I am.”
I didn’t go home to look for money because my parents didn’t have it. The little they had, they were using it to take care of my younger siblings. My dad asked me, “How do you do it? How come you don’t come for fees but you’re still in school?” Mom was like, “I hope you’re not into rotten stuff in school, sleeping around with men for money.” I said in my head, “I’m not sleeping with men but if the one I’m with is a married man, does it qualify to be one of the rotten stuff?” I couldn’t tell them that. My explanation was, “No I’m not doing any of that stuff. My friend is a rich man’s daughter. She knows my situation so she told her father about it and her father helps.” Dad didn’t believe it but mom bought it. They left me alone to live my life.
I was in school in Kumasi. This man I was dating was a top executive of a company in Kumasi. He travels a lot and wherever he went he went with me if only I wasn’t in my period. I remember one early morning before we woke up his phone rang. He didn’t pick up because he was still sleeping. The phone kept ringing so I took the phone and checked who was calling. It was his wife so I taped him to wake up. I said, “Your wife had been calling. It could be an emergency.” He took the phone from me and they started talking. A few seconds into the call, I sneezed.
He got frozen for a second. He gave me a face that said, “Why the hell would you sneeze when I’m talking to my wife?” Seconds later, I sneezed again and again until I rushed to the washroom. He cut the call and followed me to the washroom. He screamed at me, “Why are you doing that? Why would you sneeze when you know I’m on the phone with my wife? Is it intentional? Is it your way of causing mayhem in my home so you’ll take over?” Just when I was about to say sorry, her wife’s call appeared on his phone again. He was still shouting at me. I said, “Your wife is calling. I won’t sneeze again.” When he picked up the call I heard him explaining himself. His wife obviously didn’t believe him. I could imagine her asking, “As early as this and someone is sneezing in your room and you tell me it’s coming from the outside?” He answered, “I came out when I picked up your call.”
They went to and fro on the call for over an hour. I felt sorry for him but I was also angry at the way he spoke to me. I coiled in bed with my heart in tatters. After the call, he didn’t talk to me. We ate our breakfast in silence. We dressed up in total silence. We picked up our bags, checked out, and sat in the car in silence. We were silent for several hours until I said, “Sorry.” He didn’t respond. I said again, “It wasn’t intentional. You know this thing is involuntary. I’m deeply sorry.” He was quiet. He kept driving as if I didn’t exist next to him. He dropped me in my hostel and drove away. He said no word to me. And for a whole week, he ignored my calls. I thought it was over so I started thinking of how I was going to continue this life without his support.
One evening he called, “Can I see you? I’m right in front of your hostel.” I rushed out to see him. I was missing him and I was grateful that he had come back looking for me. I sat in his car and he drove away. We were silent for a couple of minutes. “I’m sorry for everything,” he said. “You caused me a lot of trouble I didn’t know how I was going to fix them. All this while you haven’t heard from me, I was patching the crack you left open in my marriage. My wife is overly sensitive. She’s not stupid so she suspects me oftentimes. I don’t have to give her a reason to continue doubting me. Your sneeze broke us down but we are back together and good. It’s the reason I can come and look for you. When the home is good, I get the free heart to be with you so you have to help me keep my home.”
He was always frank with me. He never wasted a minute putting me in my place when it came to his marriage. Sometimes it hurt—it hurt often times but there was nothing I could do. I’d grown teeth because of his maize farm. When he takes the farm away from me, my teeth would be useless so I had to swallow whatever he said to me. Regardless of whatever the trouble we went through, he was a very considerate man. He won’t wait until I ask. He gives according to my need. Sometimes, he made me feel like he was reading my mind. I would think about a new phone while going to bed and the next morning, he would call and tell me, “Here, I bought you a new phone. I knew the one you have was giving you problems.”
I hardly made demands but my demands were sorted out even before I could give them a voice.
One day, I travelled with him to Accra. He didn’t drive so we took the VIP bus. He was going for a medical procedure that would make it hard for him to drive back to Kumasi. A few minutes after the bus moved, a man got up to start dishing out information. The way he started, it looked like he was a staff of the VIP bus. “If we get to a place where you want to urinate, don’t feel shy. Just call the driver’s attention and he will stop at a safe place for you. Watch your properties very well. When you go down, go with them else, you might leave it here and won’t come back to meet it. It happens, that’s why I’m warning you about it.”
After those series of announcements, he dived into preaching. My man was already dozing off next to me. Every now and then this preacher would look at me while talking. “A young woman that you’ve just started life, you say it’s only married men you’ll chase. Your time is coming.” I lowered my head just to avoid his gaze. “You know this man you’re going up and down with won’t take you anywhere. When a great storm happens right now this man would run to his family and leave you there, yet you cling to him like a baby clings to its mother. What do you want in this world, young woman? Don’t you fear God? Don’t you know his judgement would find you soon?”
I was trying hard not to listen to him but his voice was piercingly high and you couldn’t avoid it even if you try. He’ll turn to the married men and give it to them and later come to us. My man was sleeping so he wasn’t hearing what was going on. I was left sitting there in the shroud of my guilt. I kept squirming in my seat whenever this preacher looked my way. “Flee, I say flee! Wait patiently for the man God is preparing for you. When you cling to another woman’s man, how would God make one for you? He gives you money so you can’t leave him? Do you think the God who brought you here isn’t capable of taking care of you? You’ve abandoned God and have placed your faith in that man you’re following that’s why God has abandoned you. Leave that man and test God with your faith and see if he won’t provide for you.”
I was getting uncomfortable. I don’t know where the tears started coming from. I put my head on my seat and wiped the tears off gently so no one would see. When I’d had enough, I put my earphone in my ears and shut off my eyes. Even that, I could still hear him. I had to try very hard not to hear him. Somehow, I fell asleep. It was when we got to Linda Dor that I woke up. The preacher was gone but what he said hadn’t left me. I kept thinking about it. I knew that message was for me so I had to do something about it. We got to Accra, entered the hotel and I said, “Oh wow, it’s coming.” He asked me, “What is coming?” I answered, “My period.”
He stayed away from me as if I was an acid. He completed his procedure and we went back to Kumasi. While on the bus going back, the preacher wasn’t there but I could hear his voice sounding in my head. Every word he said kept echoing in my ears. I looked forward and I saw his silhouette standing there shouting at me. I told myself, “Don’t turn your heart away. Just obey.” When we got to Kumasi and I got to campus, I sent him a message, “I can’t do it again. I’ve hurt your wife for far too long and it’s about time I left you for her. I feel guilty about everything. I hope you understand.”
The next day he was in front of my hostel. “Is it about another man? How much is he giving you to leave me? Have I ever treated you badly? Why would you just walk away like that?” I didn’t give him further reasons. I was determined to let everything go and be free of guilt and shame. I started avoiding him at all costs. I didn’t pick up his calls and didn’t answer his text. He was even calling me at dawn, and it made me wonder, “Where is his wife that he’s calling me at this time?” One day he sent me a message; “Now my wife knows my heart is broken because of a side chick. My house is on fire because of you but it’s you I want. Please talk to me before I do something stupid.” I didn’t say anything back. The next day, he sent GHC2,000 into my bank account. I still didn’t see him.
He was at my graduation. I hugged him and said, “Thank you for all the help.” He said, “I’m ready to do more. Just give me a chance.” He chased me when I was doing my national service and now that I’m done, he’s still chasing me from left to right. Even when I threatened to tell his wife he told me, “Go ahead. If that would make you come back to me.” I block his line and he will get a new line to call me. I move and he follows.
He’s been kind to me and helped me a lot. That’s the reason I can’t chop him off in a bitter way but where I’ve gotten to, there’s no way I will go back to that kind of lifestyle. It’s hard but I get through all the time. I won’t call myself a devoted Christian who does things to please God always but where I am now, I’ve been able to conquer one of my demons and I’m grateful for it. There’s no turning back
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to societywatch1@gmail.com
Source: Silent Beads
A range of herbal remedies can help reduce panic attack symptoms. Consider the following options:
- Valerian root has long been used to treat insomnia and anxiety. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
- Chamomile: This plant has relaxing properties and has been long used to relieve anxiety and insomnia. Chamomile tea or supplements may help alleviate panic attack symptoms.
- Lavender: Lavender has long been used to relieve anxiety and tension because of its relaxing scent. Inhaling lavender essential oil or taking a lavender supplement may help relieve panic attack symptoms.
- Kava kava: For centuries, the Pacific Islands have used this plant to relieve anxiety and tension. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
It should be noted that these herbs should not be used in place of professional medical care. If you’re having panic attacks, it’s critical that you obtain the right diagnosis and treatment from a doctor.
What causes panic attacks?
Starting a new career or migrating to a new location, as well as important life events such as getting married or having a kid, can be stressful.
Anxiety or depression in the family: If you have a family history of anxiety or depression, you may be more prone to panic attacks.
Excessive coffee or alcohol consumption, as well as sudden withdrawal or reintroduction, can cause panic attacks.
Medical disorders such as heart disease or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) can also induce panic episodes.
It is crucial to understand that panic episodes can develop for no apparent reason. If you’re having panic attacks and aren’t sure what’s causing them, meeting with a mental health professional for further assessment and therapy may be beneficial.
How can you naturally treat a panic attack?
Deep breathing can help with physical panic attack symptoms like a racing heart and shortness of breath. Take a big breath in with your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale softly through your mouth.
To comfort oneself, employ positive self-talk such as “I can handle this,” “I am safe,” or “This will pass.”
Concentrate on the present: Panic episodes are frequently accompanied by rapid thoughts about the future or the past. Focus on your surroundings and physical sensations in your body to bring your attention back to the present moment.
Relaxation practises such as progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, and yoga may all help you relax and quiet your mind and body.
Seek assistance: Speaking with a trusted friend or family member, as well as consulting a mental health professional, can help you manage panic attacks.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. They will pass, and the more practice you have at dealing with them, the better you will become.
How can you permanently stop panic episodes without medication?
Seek expert assistance: A mental health professional can assist you in determining the reasons for your panic attacks and developing a treatment plan to manage them. Treatment may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other forms of therapy, as well as relaxation methods or lifestyle adjustments.
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation are all relaxation techniques that can help you relax and manage stress and anxiety.
Regular exercise can help you reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. On most days of the week, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity, such as brisk walking or cycling.
Eat a nutritious diet: Eating a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains while avoiding processed and sugary foods will improve your physical and mental health.
Get adequate sleep: Sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.
Recognise and avoid circumstances or activities that may provoke panic attacks, such as coffee or alcohol usage, or specific sorts of environments.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. You may learn to manage panic episodes and minimise their frequency and intensity with training and the correct tactics.
Following the cessation of alcohol drinking, a range of health problems may occur, some of which may be temporary and others of which may be permanent. Here are just a few examples:
- When a heavy drinker quickly stops drinking, they may experience withdrawal symptoms such as tremors, anxiety, and insomnia. In severe cases, alcohol withdrawal can be lethal, necessitating medical attention.
- Some elements, such as vitamin B1, can be inhibited by alcohol, and long-term heavy drinking can lead to deficiencies. These shortfalls can cause a number of health problems, including fatigue, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.
- Alcohol use can contribute to the development of mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and abstaining from alcohol may assist in facilitating these conditions. However, refraining from alcohol may induce or aggravate mental health difficulties in other settings, particularly in persons with a history of mental illness.
- Alcohol use can cause considerable liver damage, such as fatty liver disease, alcoholic hepatitis, and cirrhosis. Abstinence from alcohol can help heal some of the damage, but in extreme situations, the damage may be irreversible.
It’s important to remember that everyone is unique, and the precise health issues that may occur after stopping alcohol may differ depending on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other variables. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential health hazards of abstaining from alcohol and to seek medical attention if necessary.
What happens to your body physiologically after you quit drinking?
When a person stops drinking alcohol, their body adjusts to the lack of alcohol. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, some of which are temporary while others are long-term. Here are some of the things that might happen in a person’s body after they quit drinking:
- Better sleep: Alcohol can interrupt sleep patterns and contribute to poor sleep quality. When a person stops drinking, their sleep may improve because their body no longer has to metabolise the alcohol.
- Alcohol contains a lot of calories, and excessive drinking can contribute to weight gain. Quitting drinking may result in weight loss since the body no longer absorbs the extra calories from alcohol.
- Improved digestion: Alcohol can irritate the lining of the digestive tract, contributing to problems like acid reflux. Quitting alcohol may improve digestion and reduce the number of digestive diseases.
- Better skin health: Alcohol dehydrates the skin, which can contribute to issues such as acne breakouts. Quitting alcohol may improve skin health and reduce skin diseases.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone is unique, and the physical consequences of stopping drinking will vary based on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other circumstances. It’s always a good idea to talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional about the potential consequences of quitting drinking, and to seek medical help if necessary.
The length of time it takes for the body to return to normal after quitting drinking is determined by a number of factors, including the individual’s drinking history, overall health, and the severity of any alcohol-related health problems. The following are some general guidelines for how long it may take for specific physiological systems to return to normal after quitting drinking:
- Alcohol withdrawal symptoms often peak within the first 24-72 hours following the last drink and can persist for several days to a week. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal in severe circumstances, demanding medical intervention.
- Alcohol may affect the brain and nervous system in a variety of ways, and the quantity and duration of alcohol ingested influence how long it takes for these systems to recover. In other circumstances, it may take months or years for the brain to fully heal.
- Heavy drinking may gravely harm the liver, which is in charge of breaking down and metabolising alcohol. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health. The liver may be able to repair itself in certain circumstances, but in others, the damage may be irreversible.
- Alcohol can irritate the digestive system lining, contributing to illnesses such as acid reflux. Within a few days to a week, abstaining from alcohol may result in improved digestion and a reduction in digestive difficulties.
It’s crucial to remember that stopping drinking may not totally cure the body, especially if the person has been drinking heavily for a long time. Long-term alcohol addiction can cause long-term harm to several biological systems in some situations. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential repercussions of stopping alcohol and to seek medical attention if required.
When you stop drinking, how can you know when your liver is healing?
The liver is a powerful organ that can repair itself after alcohol injury. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover varies on the severity of the lesion and the individual’s overall health.
The liver is a strong organ that may heal itself after alcohol damage. The length of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health.
When you stop drinking, there are a few signs that your liver is healing:
The liver creates bile, which aids in fat digestion, which improves digestion. You may notice an improvement in your digestion after you stop drinking.
Alcohol is high in empty calories, which can contribute to weight gain. When you quit drinking, your body starts burning stored fat for energy, causing you to lose weight.
Increased energy: Alcohol might make you lethargic and fatigued. You may experience a rise in energy levels while your liver repairs.
Better skin: Alcohol may cause skin to dry out and become dull. You may notice an improvement in the look and texture of your skin while your liver continues to operate regularly.
It’s crucial to remember that alcohol-related liver damage is typically irreversible, so get medical attention if you’re concerned about the health of your liver. It is never too late to make positive lifestyle changes that will enhance your health and well-being.
What happens once you stop drinking?
Depending on their circumstances and reasons for quitting, each person’s life after stopping alcohol may seem very different. Some people may discover that they have more energy and are more productive, but others may find it difficult to adjust to life without alcohol.
You may notice the following changes after quitting alcohol:
Improved health: Quitting alcohol can bring a variety of health benefits, including a lower chance of developing diseases including liver disease, some cancers, and heart disease. You may experience advantages in your sleep and digestion as well.
More time and money: Drinking alcohol may be costly and time-consuming, especially if you do it regularly. If you stop drinking, you may be able to devote more time and money to other hobbies and activities.
Improved relationships: Alcohol can impair your judgement and conduct, leading to disagreements with loved ones. Quitting alcohol may help you enhance your social ties and communication skills.
Increased self-esteem: Depending on your motivation for quitting drinking, you may experience a feeling of success and satisfaction in your decision. This might boost your self-esteem and happiness.
It is vital to recognise that quitting alcohol is a personal decision, and everyone’s experience will be unique. It may be difficult at times, but the potential benefits are well worth the effort.
One of Johannesburg’s busiest roadways has been extensively damaged as a result of a suspected explosion from an underground gas pipeline.
Videos show portions of the road collapsing and automobiles flipping upside down.
According to authorities, one person was murdered and several were injured.
At the moment of the detonation, some witnesses described feeling the earth shake and then hearing a huge bang.
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