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What Will Make A Man Hang Around You For Years And Still Not Propose To You?
“I am telling you, NUPS-G guys are like that. They never propose to a woman they like. They will hang around you until you meet someone. That’s when they tell you how they feel.”
That’s what my friend Afia said to draw laughter from all of us. This statement is an inside joke for my circle of friends. We are all church girls, staunch Presbyterians at that. And if you are wondering what NUPS-G stands for, it means National Union of Presbyterian Students, Ghana. That’s why we know a thing or two about how these boys behave. Let me share my experience with you on the subject.
I was in the university when I met this gentleman at a church program. This guy and I hit it off the moment we met. There was nothing romantic about our initial interactions. He was just nice to talk to. I liked texting him too. Conversations with him were effortless. We talked about literally anything and I always felt at ease around him. A year into our friendship, I took a year off school, to go and pursue a one-year course. Even the distance did not slow down the fast pace of our friendship. We kept in touch the entire time I was away. When I returned to school, our friendship still thrived.
He was a great guy. He was a good Christian, a good listener, a complete gentleman, and a good conversationalist. Name something good and he is it. A year after I resumed school, I completed. A year after I completed school, he also completed school. I lived in Accra while he lived outside Accra but then again, the distance did not interfere with the growth of our friendship. We spent long hours on the phone talking about our lives, our dreams, and the mountains we need to conquer to reach those dreams. I had not met his family but I knew everything about them. I knew which of his siblings was craziest and which of his parents everyone was terrified of. He also hadn’t met my family but he knew every one of them. I’m sure he would be able to recognize them in town because of the number of times he saw their photos.
Sometimes when he came to Accra I met up with him, just to talk. One day I managed to convince him to come to my place. When he arrived my sister was home. A few minutes after she observed our interactions she called me aside, “Are you sure this guy doesn’t like you? The two of you look like a couple.” I responded “I don’t know. I like him but I don’t how he feels about me.” Then she pointed out, “Well, this is how it begins.”
When I went to see him off I asked him; “My sister said you might be interested in me. Is that true?” This guy looked at me and smiled off my question. He didn’t deny or confirm anything. I felt confused about our friendship all of a sudden. I felt that way because I was interested in him and was hoping he was interested in me too. When he didn’t say anything, I was disappointed. I thought we had a special bond, you know?
That awkward conversation did not affect our friendship. He invited me to interesting places and we always enjoyed each other’s company. We even attended weddings of our mutual friends together. Our friendship had gotten to the point where people assumed we were involved with each other. I convinced myself that we were better off as friends. I felt happy with the way we were, until one day he told me he was seeing someone. I was filled with some kind of jealousy that I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing. It didn’t also help matters that he tried to involve me in their relationship. He came to me for advice when they had problems. At some point, I realized that every piece of advice I gave him went against the lady. I didn’t know her but I was very critical of everything she did. That’s not the kind of person I am, and I hated being like that.
One day he came to me for advice again and I told him, “I think you should stop involving me in your relationship problems. I am not sure I give you good advice.” He tried to push the matter further but I wouldn’t say anything more. Eventually, he stopped consulting me for relationship advice. I also met someone and decided to give him a shot. We dated for six months but things didn’t work out. Throughout my relationship, my church boy was still lurking in the shadows. He still got in touch and tried to keep up with everything happening in my life. In the back of my mind, I thought, “Maybe one day he will tell me how he feels if I stick around a little and wait for him.”
When my relationship ended, his relationship was thriving. I didn’t mind because I believed, “If it’s yours, it will come back to you.”
Along the line, I went back to school to pursue my second degree. He called me around that time to tell me his relationship had ended. By that time, I had given up on the possibility of a relationship with him. But he still hang around me but never expressed any romantic interest in me. In my final year, I met someone who swept me off my feet. This man knew what he wanted and he went for it right from the start. He didn’t waste time expressing his interest. I liked him too so I opened up to him. He had everything I wanted in a man; God-fearing, kind, loving, and physically attractive. When I told my church boy about my newfound love, he wasn’t pleased. He tried to discourage me from pursuing a relationship with him. He said, “Are you not concerned about what he does for a living? Men in that line of work are known to be philanderers. Don’t date him, he will hurt you.”
I heard his unsolicited advice through one ear and let it out through the other ear.
I was in love and happy. I wasn’t about to let the church boy ruin it with his fears. Eighteen months into my relationship, my man proposed marriage. Of course, I said yes.
We have been married for four years now and our home is filled with love, laughter, and warmth. Occasionally I would wonder why the church boy never made his move yet tried to stop my relationship from happening. Was he genuinely concerned I would get hurt? Or he only liked the idea of me waiting around and pining after him? It wasn’t that I still nursed feelings for him. I was just curious.
Luckily, I got answers to my questions two years ago.
My husband and I went out on a date when we ran into him. He was there with a date too. We said our hellos and continued with our evening. A few days later, he called me to catch up on life. In the middle of the conversation, he said, “Do you know that I have always liked you? I never said anything because I felt you were out of my league.” I told him, “It doesn’t matter anymore but I’m surprised you thought I was above you. You and I were friends. You knew me in ways no one else did so why would you think of me this way?” He answered, “Yes, I knew you to be smart, beautiful, and God fearing. You were the complete package and it’s not easy for a man to approach you.”
I had longed for him in the past. I had held a torch for him for years, waiting for him to make a move but all that while he couldn’t say a thing because He was intimidated by me. Who does that?
He lost me but I am thankful that I did not listen to him. If I did, I would have missed my epic love with my husband. If I waited around for him, we would have still been going around each other by now. Thank God I moved on from him and met a wonderful man.bAnyway, why are NUPS-G boys like that, huh?
Source: Silent Beads
A range of herbal remedies can help reduce panic attack symptoms. Consider the following options:
- Valerian root has long been used to treat insomnia and anxiety. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
- Chamomile: This plant has relaxing properties and has been long used to relieve anxiety and insomnia. Chamomile tea or supplements may help alleviate panic attack symptoms.
- Lavender: Lavender has long been used to relieve anxiety and tension because of its relaxing scent. Inhaling lavender essential oil or taking a lavender supplement may help relieve panic attack symptoms.
- Kava kava: For centuries, the Pacific Islands have used this plant to relieve anxiety and tension. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
It should be noted that these herbs should not be used in place of professional medical care. If you’re having panic attacks, it’s critical that you obtain the right diagnosis and treatment from a doctor.
What causes panic attacks?
Starting a new career or migrating to a new location, as well as important life events such as getting married or having a kid, can be stressful.
Anxiety or depression in the family: If you have a family history of anxiety or depression, you may be more prone to panic attacks.
Excessive coffee or alcohol consumption, as well as sudden withdrawal or reintroduction, can cause panic attacks.
Medical disorders such as heart disease or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) can also induce panic episodes.
It is crucial to understand that panic episodes can develop for no apparent reason. If you’re having panic attacks and aren’t sure what’s causing them, meeting with a mental health professional for further assessment and therapy may be beneficial.
How can you naturally treat a panic attack?
Deep breathing can help with physical panic attack symptoms like a racing heart and shortness of breath. Take a big breath in with your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale softly through your mouth.
To comfort oneself, employ positive self-talk such as “I can handle this,” “I am safe,” or “This will pass.”
Concentrate on the present: Panic episodes are frequently accompanied by rapid thoughts about the future or the past. Focus on your surroundings and physical sensations in your body to bring your attention back to the present moment.
Relaxation practises such as progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, and yoga may all help you relax and quiet your mind and body.
Seek assistance: Speaking with a trusted friend or family member, as well as consulting a mental health professional, can help you manage panic attacks.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. They will pass, and the more practice you have at dealing with them, the better you will become.
How can you permanently stop panic episodes without medication?
Seek expert assistance: A mental health professional can assist you in determining the reasons for your panic attacks and developing a treatment plan to manage them. Treatment may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other forms of therapy, as well as relaxation methods or lifestyle adjustments.
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation are all relaxation techniques that can help you relax and manage stress and anxiety.
Regular exercise can help you reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. On most days of the week, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity, such as brisk walking or cycling.
Eat a nutritious diet: Eating a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains while avoiding processed and sugary foods will improve your physical and mental health.
Get adequate sleep: Sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.
Recognise and avoid circumstances or activities that may provoke panic attacks, such as coffee or alcohol usage, or specific sorts of environments.
It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. You may learn to manage panic episodes and minimise their frequency and intensity with training and the correct tactics.
Following the cessation of alcohol drinking, a range of health problems may occur, some of which may be temporary and others of which may be permanent. Here are just a few examples:
- When a heavy drinker quickly stops drinking, they may experience withdrawal symptoms such as tremors, anxiety, and insomnia. In severe cases, alcohol withdrawal can be lethal, necessitating medical attention.
- Some elements, such as vitamin B1, can be inhibited by alcohol, and long-term heavy drinking can lead to deficiencies. These shortfalls can cause a number of health problems, including fatigue, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.
- Alcohol use can contribute to the development of mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and abstaining from alcohol may assist in facilitating these conditions. However, refraining from alcohol may induce or aggravate mental health difficulties in other settings, particularly in persons with a history of mental illness.
- Alcohol use can cause considerable liver damage, such as fatty liver disease, alcoholic hepatitis, and cirrhosis. Abstinence from alcohol can help heal some of the damage, but in extreme situations, the damage may be irreversible.
It’s important to remember that everyone is unique, and the precise health issues that may occur after stopping alcohol may differ depending on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other variables. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential health hazards of abstaining from alcohol and to seek medical attention if necessary.
What happens to your body physiologically after you quit drinking?
When a person stops drinking alcohol, their body adjusts to the lack of alcohol. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, some of which are temporary while others are long-term. Here are some of the things that might happen in a person’s body after they quit drinking:
- Better sleep: Alcohol can interrupt sleep patterns and contribute to poor sleep quality. When a person stops drinking, their sleep may improve because their body no longer has to metabolise the alcohol.
- Alcohol contains a lot of calories, and excessive drinking can contribute to weight gain. Quitting drinking may result in weight loss since the body no longer absorbs the extra calories from alcohol.
- Improved digestion: Alcohol can irritate the lining of the digestive tract, contributing to problems like acid reflux. Quitting alcohol may improve digestion and reduce the number of digestive diseases.
- Better skin health: Alcohol dehydrates the skin, which can contribute to issues such as acne breakouts. Quitting alcohol may improve skin health and reduce skin diseases.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone is unique, and the physical consequences of stopping drinking will vary based on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other circumstances. It’s always a good idea to talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional about the potential consequences of quitting drinking, and to seek medical help if necessary.
The length of time it takes for the body to return to normal after quitting drinking is determined by a number of factors, including the individual’s drinking history, overall health, and the severity of any alcohol-related health problems. The following are some general guidelines for how long it may take for specific physiological systems to return to normal after quitting drinking:
- Alcohol withdrawal symptoms often peak within the first 24-72 hours following the last drink and can persist for several days to a week. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal in severe circumstances, demanding medical intervention.
- Alcohol may affect the brain and nervous system in a variety of ways, and the quantity and duration of alcohol ingested influence how long it takes for these systems to recover. In other circumstances, it may take months or years for the brain to fully heal.
- Heavy drinking may gravely harm the liver, which is in charge of breaking down and metabolising alcohol. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health. The liver may be able to repair itself in certain circumstances, but in others, the damage may be irreversible.
- Alcohol can irritate the digestive system lining, contributing to illnesses such as acid reflux. Within a few days to a week, abstaining from alcohol may result in improved digestion and a reduction in digestive difficulties.
It’s crucial to remember that stopping drinking may not totally cure the body, especially if the person has been drinking heavily for a long time. Long-term alcohol addiction can cause long-term harm to several biological systems in some situations. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential repercussions of stopping alcohol and to seek medical attention if required.
When you stop drinking, how can you know when your liver is healing?
The liver is a powerful organ that can repair itself after alcohol injury. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover varies on the severity of the lesion and the individual’s overall health.
The liver is a strong organ that may heal itself after alcohol damage. The length of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health.
When you stop drinking, there are a few signs that your liver is healing:
The liver creates bile, which aids in fat digestion, which improves digestion. You may notice an improvement in your digestion after you stop drinking.
Alcohol is high in empty calories, which can contribute to weight gain. When you quit drinking, your body starts burning stored fat for energy, causing you to lose weight.
Increased energy: Alcohol might make you lethargic and fatigued. You may experience a rise in energy levels while your liver repairs.
Better skin: Alcohol may cause skin to dry out and become dull. You may notice an improvement in the look and texture of your skin while your liver continues to operate regularly.
It’s crucial to remember that alcohol-related liver damage is typically irreversible, so get medical attention if you’re concerned about the health of your liver. It is never too late to make positive lifestyle changes that will enhance your health and well-being.
What happens once you stop drinking?
Depending on their circumstances and reasons for quitting, each person’s life after stopping alcohol may seem very different. Some people may discover that they have more energy and are more productive, but others may find it difficult to adjust to life without alcohol.
You may notice the following changes after quitting alcohol:
Improved health: Quitting alcohol can bring a variety of health benefits, including a lower chance of developing diseases including liver disease, some cancers, and heart disease. You may experience advantages in your sleep and digestion as well.
More time and money: Drinking alcohol may be costly and time-consuming, especially if you do it regularly. If you stop drinking, you may be able to devote more time and money to other hobbies and activities.
Improved relationships: Alcohol can impair your judgement and conduct, leading to disagreements with loved ones. Quitting alcohol may help you enhance your social ties and communication skills.
Increased self-esteem: Depending on your motivation for quitting drinking, you may experience a feeling of success and satisfaction in your decision. This might boost your self-esteem and happiness.
It is vital to recognise that quitting alcohol is a personal decision, and everyone’s experience will be unique. It may be difficult at times, but the potential benefits are well worth the effort.
One of Johannesburg’s busiest roadways has been extensively damaged as a result of a suspected explosion from an underground gas pipeline.
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According to authorities, one person was murdered and several were injured.
At the moment of the detonation, some witnesses described feeling the earth shake and then hearing a huge bang.
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