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I think I like her but her first question scares me



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I met this beautiful lady last two weeks when I was going to work, I could see she was new in the neighbourhood. Although I don’t know a lot of people within the area, I can make out a new face if I should see one. I stopped and talked to her. She was with her younger sister.

We were both in a hurry so I requested for her contact which she gladly gave to me. I called her the next day at work and we had a good conversation. It was like we’ve known each other for decades because the vibe was there. She sounded nice and lively.

We spoke about her family and she told me how intelligent she was but didn’t get anyone to sponsor her tertiary education.

It was a good conversation but sad as well, especially when she spoke about her late dad and how her previous boyfriend used and dumped her. She’s actually a church girl so I was cool. I liked her from the start because I believe that to have a good relationship, it doesn’t matter the duration you have known the person.

Some people can be friends for 5,10 years and still break up when they start dating because your partner will only let you see what she wants you to know about her when you’re dating. She can choose to hide her bad stuff.

I proposed to her, but she initially declined because she said most guys use her and dwell on the fact that she’s vulnerable. They come pretending to be like good people and later use her so she wanted to get her own shop, start work, and then start a new relationship.

I convinced her that I was serious and she eventually gave in. I called her yesternight and you know when love is new, you would be talking and laughing as if you’re getting married next week. But one question she asked which shocked me was that if I’m in a relationship with a lady and I am to find out she’s pregnant what would I do?

I initially thought she was asking that if I am to impregnate her, would I take responsibility? I foolishly said yes because obviously if I get a lady pregnant, I need to take responsibility for the pregnancy, but I was very far from right. She said no, she meant if she is pregnant from her previous relationship, what would I do?

I was shocked for a moment because I didn’t expect that. She had initially told me she had broken up with her ex about 6 months ago.

The truth started coming out. I told her as per tradition, a lady can’t see another guy when she’s pregnant not to talk of seks. She said her brezzt have been heavy lately and her nippols have been hard. Before I forget, she had complained of pains in the abdomen and she told me she had fibroid growing up so it was possible it was coming back.

I asked her if she was pregnant but she said she tested last four days and it was negative. What made it more serious was when she told me we could still have seks so the baby looks like me. She also said she told her mum she isn’t seeing her body well and her mom asked her if she’s pregnant and she said it could be possible and her mom asked her if she knew the one who’s responsible and she said yes.

She said she doesn’t want to have anything doing with her previous guy so she would tell her mum I’m responsible although she’s saying she isn’t pregnant. I don’t believe her especially when I changed the topic along the line and asked her when she last had seks and she said it was about 6 weeks ago.

She claims she had her menses last month but also said it’s possible for you to menstruate in your first month even when you’re pregnant. I told her to be honest with me but she said she isn’t pregnant, but I don’t trust her.

She said she’s even a good person to tell me because she could have hidden it from me the moment we had seks and told me I was responsible for the pregnancy. I thanked her for that, but how can I just take responsibility for a pregnancy I know nothing about?

I said I would talk to a doctor friend of mine who could help run tests on her but deep down I don’t know anyone. She said she was going to do the test again today but if it’s negative we should forget about it. What if she lies to me about the results?

There’s more but I’m saying a lot, so let me end here. I’m really confused and don’t know what to do. What if she’s actually pregnant, what do I do? Also, I would like to know if there is a health worker and can help me run a test to see if the pain in her abdomen is because of the fibroid or she’s actually pregnant.


How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year



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Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.

You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.

The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.

How to make it work

If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.

It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.

It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.

Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.

  • Have realistic expectations

For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.

You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.

  • Show love and affection to your partner

You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for. 

You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.

  • Don’t start talking about the future prematurely

When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.

Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one. 

You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time. 

  • Don’t mention fears prematurely

At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely. 

Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them. 

  • Enjoy moments

One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment. 

Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner. 

The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present. 

  • Communicate effectively

Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process. 

Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.

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5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season



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Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.

Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.

Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:

  • Communication style

This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

  • What to do during conflict

Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

  • The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.

  • Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

  • Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?

Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

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4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x



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There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.

Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.

You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.

Here’s what you can do:

  • You’re on birth control

Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.

These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.

  • You’re on your period

While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim. 

Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.

  • You use the ‘pull-out’ method

The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.

The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.

While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method. 

  • You use a condom

When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin. 

According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.

Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.

While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.

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