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A silly mistake at a nightclub has ruined my life



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I’d like to tell you about my experience. I was recently left by my two-year girlfriend because I chose to reveal a secret I’d been keeping for the last nine years. It was incredibly selfish of me to keep it, but I knew she’d leave as soon as she found out, and that’s precisely what occurred. I was a really spiritual person. There was not a single day when I did not attend this or that meeting. I was actively involved in campus fellowships and took spiritual matters seriously even after I graduated from college. On my 25th birthday, my coworkers threw a pool party for me. My birthday fell on a holiday, so they insisted on our celebrating. I became really inebriated and smoked for the first time. That way of life eventually became a part of me.

It was really tiny. This pool party, this club, and this event. One of my coworkers was a part-time DJ, so he informed me of any upcoming events and we attended together. That’s when I met this chubby girl. She was the one who the devil used to ruin my life. I went to grind on her as she was dancing. Later, I cornered her and we kissed and exchanged numbers. I’d never done anything like that before, especially to a lady I’d just met. I was high on wine, the weather was chilly, and it put me in a good mood. I couldn’t stand up to her. I called a cab and followed her home. We did it three times that evening, once in the morning, and once in the afternoon. We kept conversing after she departed in the morning, but the atmosphere was gone. Her responses were usually single words, so I concluded she wasn’t interested and proceeded.

I had a lot of ‘vim’ after meeting her and getting her in bed the same night, so I slept with other ladies for the following 5 months. I did it raw for the majority of them and offered them money to buy medications. I began experiencing malaria symptoms around 7 months after meeting that first female, mostly fever and chills. I went to get the three-course malaria treatment. The symptoms lessened briefly before worsening a few days later, prompting me to seek medical attention. That’s when I found out I had HIV. I didn’t even believe it was the first girl that gave it to me at that time because I had had several others after her. But I then messaged her and inquired whether she knew her HIV status. My messages were blinking blue, indicating that she was reading them but not responding. Meanwhile, we were talking about something else before I brought up the HIV issue, and she was responding. Then I informed her I’d just discovered I had the virus. She had read everything. My other messages only ticked once. When I tried to phone her, I discovered that she had blocked me. I tried many phones to call her, but her number was not recognised.

It had to have been her. She enticed me into doing it with her performances, and before to meeting her, I always used protection. Now, because of her, I’ve passed it to other girls before realising I had it myself. That’s probably why it’s spreading. People are unaware that they are transmitting the virus since they are unaware that they have it. I was moved by the news. I began to feel suicidal and sad. I attempted to reconnect with God, but it didn’t work. I stopped partying and began taking my ARVs. I attended religious activities on occasion, but only my sister was aware of my situation. At one of the religious activities, I met my girlfriend. I was afraid she would leave me, so I didn’t tell her anything, and she didn’t even hint. I was in excellent health. We became intimate several times, and I always used protection.

I understand that HIV is not a death sentence, but my life would have been easier if I had been negative. I’m not sure I can date a negative person because she would leave me and I deserve it. Please, my young friends, conduct our lives well so that we do not face unnecessary repercussions for things we might have easily avoided. Be cautious if you, like me, have an addictive nature. I don’t know how to be half-hearted about something. I put my full heart into whatever I do. I am easily addicted to the stuff. Be very cautious if you’re like that. Depending on how we utilise it, that object may either help us or damage us. This is the only life we have. Let us make an effort to live it properly.

Source: Anonymous Confessions


How to start a new relationship: 6 tips to make it work this year



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Starting a new relationship can be quite tricky yet exciting at the same time.

You will be excited at the prospect of someone loving you and caring for you, taking time for you.

The start of a relationship might probably be the best time of your life as you are starting a new relationship. However, as excited as you might be, it is crucial to know what to do in a new relationship and what not to do in a new relationship.

How to make it work

If you understand the dos and don’ts of new relationships, it will be easier for you to move forward and form a healthy relationship with your partner.

It would help if you respected each other’s independence and choices. Although it is alright to keep in touch, be aware of each other’s whereabouts, and communicate, continuously pinging each other can also suffocate at times.

It is just that how to start a relationship can be quite complicated and tricky and requires lots of effort. Once you get used to it and know about your partner, it is easier to form a healthy relationship.

Dos and don’ts for a new relationship can help you stop second-guessing yourself. It gives you a vague blueprint about what needs to be done, and it can enhance your bond further.

  • Have realistic expectations

For a relationship to work, it is essential to be emotionally and mentally strong. You also have to be compromising and understanding. It’s not necessary that what you want in a relationship is the same as what your partner wants. So, be realistic about situations.

You can both have different thoughts and opinions, like how often you should text in a new relationship. While one person could enjoy the attention, the other appreciates space. So, it is crucial to find a middle ground.

  • Show love and affection to your partner

You might have made a new boyfriend. And now you must be thinking about starting a new relationship with a man you’ve just developed feelings for. 

You must first remember to show love and affection to your partner to strengthen the bond between you both. You must give attention and time to your partner and make eye contact with him.

  • Don’t start talking about the future prematurely

When you start a new relationship, bombarding your partner with questions and plans for the future is not how relationships work. There is a big chance that you can put your partner off.

Every relationship requires time, and you cannot imagine your boyfriend being head over heels from day one. 

You should remember that you are new to this and just starting a relationship. It is okay to be on cloud nine. However, if the question, “How to have a good relationship?” lingers in your mind, you must know that it’s all about taking things slow, one thing at a time. 

  • Don’t mention fears prematurely

At the beginning of a relationship, you and your partner are still getting comfortable with each other. Therefore, one of the crucial new relationship dos and don’ts include not mentioning your fears prematurely. 

Allow your partner the chance to discover your fears and limitations gradually. Mentioning things at the get-go can make them feel intimidated and overwhelmed. 

You can mention your fears when they become relevant to the equation you share with them. 

  • Enjoy moments

One of the big dos and don’ts in a new relationship is enjoying the present moment. 

Don’t let your past experiences and concerns about the future take away the sheen of the exciting present you are sharing with your partner. 

The best part of a new relationship is often the excitement and fun that you can have with someone. The chemistry between you two should be your focus, not the stress and anxiety about the past and present. 

  • Communicate effectively

Entering a new relationship can seem daunting as it often involves opening up to someone and sharing your life with them. However, this can be a cakewalk if you let clear communication guide you through this process. 

Treat effective communication as one of the most important dos and don’ts in a new relationship. It can make or break a relationship depending on whether you do it honestly, respectfully and openly.

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5 healthy boundaries every relationship needs this season



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Every relationship needs healthy boundaries.

Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive.

Setting boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following:

  • Communication style

This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don’t, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

  • What to do during conflict

Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

  • The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned.

  • Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

  • Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work?

Here’s just one of the examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

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4 best tips to avoid getting pregnant during s*x



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There are many ways to avoid pregnancy if you are having active sex.

Sperm can live inside your uterus for up to 5 days after having sex, and pregnancy can only occur if there is sperm in your uterus or fallopian tubes when you ovulate.

You have many tools to prevent pregnancy. Birth control options are plentiful, but some work better than others. The key is to make sure you’re using them the right way.

Here’s what you can do:

  • You’re on birth control

Hormonal birth control methods such as the pill, patch, ring, implant, shot, or IUD significantly decrease your chances of getting pregnant, but they don’t eliminate your chances.

These experts say methods work in various ways. For example, IUDs block sperm from reaching the egg, while the pill, ring, and patch prevent ovulation.

  • You’re on your period

While it’s not impossible to get pregnant while on your period, your chances are pretty slim. 

Your lowest chance of getting pregnant while on your period is during the first day of bleeding. But the chances increase with each passing day as you get closer to your ovulation window. If your typical menstrual cycle is close to the average 28- to 30-day cycle, then the likelihood of getting pregnant while on your period is low. But if your cycle is shorter, your chances of getting pregnant while on your period go up.

  • You use the ‘pull-out’ method

The pull-out method may be the world’s oldest form of birth control.

The pull-out method, also known as withdrawal, involves pulling the penis out of the vagina before ejaculation.

While some studies have found that withdrawal can be as high as 96% effective with perfect use, it isn’t easy to maintain perfect use with this method. 

  • You use a condom

When using a condom to avoid pregnancy (or sexually transmitted infections, for that matter), it’s vital to use it correctly. Correct usage means the condom is rolled onto the penis (or inserted into the vagina in the case of internal or female condoms) before there’s any contact between genitals and skin. 

According to research, the chance of getting pregnant with male condoms is about 18%, and with female condoms, it’s 21%. With perfect condom use every single time, those odds decrease to 2%.

Some nursing parents use the lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) or “breastfeeding method” to prevent pregnancy after giving birth. LAM as a form of birth control relies on the temporary pause in ovulation that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first several months postpartum.

While breastfeeding, the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for getting your period each month, is suppressed experts say, hence, preventing pregnancy.

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