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I’m leaving my boyfriend because he’s not sad about the death of my mother



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We were friends for over a year before he finally gathered the courage to propose to me. He called me strong; “Too strong is not easy to talk to you about things of love. It’s like your heart and being aren’t carved for love. You rather hit the street and hustle than sit and listen to a man talk to you about love.” It was funny the way he said it. I told him, “No matter who we are or who we appear to be, there’s a place for love. No one, especially woman can escape the need for love.” So he proposed but I wasn’t that into him so I told him to give me some time. He had been a friend and I knew how good he was as a friend. I hadn’t had the time to look at him through the lens of love. As in, “Look at him, he’s so lovely. How I wish he was in my bed. Look at his eyes, I want my kids to have those things.” Never did I do that so when I asked for time, it was for me to think about him along those lines.

My mom fell sick along the line and I told him I was going home to visit her. He said, “Take me home with you. I want to see your mother. Does she look like you? I want to thank her for giving birth to a beautiful lady like you.” I said, “Awww.” Of course, I didn’t say it out loud. The strength in me wouldn’t allow me to be a woman in his presence. A day later, he was with me in a trotro to the bus station. Hours later, we were in a taxi going home to see my mother. He sat next to me, skin to skin, breath to breath. We’ve never been that close so it got me wondering; “Hmm this guy isn’t bad after all. He cares. Look at him here with me, going to visit my sick mother.”

My mom was sick and the way I got the news, I thought she couldn’t even talk. Immediately she saw us, her eyes went straight to Philip. She said softly, “Did you come to see me with my in-law?” He smiled and I smiled along. I answered, “We came to visit you. I was coming alone but he decided to come and greet you. He’s a friend.” My mom extended her hand and he took it in. The handshake lasted longer than usual. Their hands were locked as they talked to each other.

“Gentleman, what’s your name?”

“My name is Philip.”

“Were you part of Jesus’ disciples?”

“No, I don’t think Philip was one of the disciples, or?”

“It looks like we both didn’t take our Sunday school seriously but God will forgive us.”

They burst out laughing.

“Is it true what she’s saying? That you’re a friend?”

“Yeah, we are friends. Very good friends?”

“I understand, you kids of today think you can outsmart your parents. I understand.”

It was a returning journey. The state I found her in wasn’t as dire as my senior sister made it sound. I gave her money and asked what she wanted me to do for her. She answered, “Just don’t make him a friend forever. He looks like a husband in my eyes.” I screamed, “Mom, that’s not what I’m talking about.” She responded, “That’s what I want to talk about.”

On our way back home, he laughed a lot. Something was making him happy. He was in love with my mom, it was obvious. He said, “Your mom saw me just once and realized I’m a good husband material but you’re here putting me on probation. You think that’s fair?” I told him, “It’s unfortunate you came back with me. If my mom thinks you are good husband material, then why didn’t you marry her?” We both laughed, the kind of laughter that goes deep into the heart and brings out good feelings. By the time we got back home, I had accepted his proposal.

My senior sister called me, “Mom called to tell me you went to see her with your husband.” A few hours later, my junior brother also called, “You have a husband and you haven’t introduced him to me? He has to come and pay akonta sikan immediately before I take you away from him.” I think everyone in the community got to hear from my mom that I’d visited with my husband. Later when I called my uncle he also said, “We are patiently waiting for the wedding. When is he coming home officially?”

Whenever my mom called, she asked of him. One day she called. Philip was with me. Before she could ask about him I retorted, “He’s here. No need to ask about him.” I gave the phone to Philip and the conversation lasted for several minutes. He laughed throughout. When I took the phone from him, I said, “You can’t come and win over my mother’s heart like that. It’s not fair. You two won’t talk again.” But a few weeks later, we went back to see her. She was still not well. Mom was weak and was struggling to sit but she gathered the last strength left in her and walked to the kitchen to cook something for us. We both screamed no but she didn’t listen to us.

Close to an hour later, food was ready. While we were eating, she sat next to Philip asking him If I’d been cooking for him. If I’d been treating him well. If I’d proven myself to be wife material. To date, I don’t know what my mother saw in Philip that made her like him that way. Anytime we talked, she mentioned his name. Whenever she talked to my brother and sister, she mentioned Philip and how cool Philip looks.

Our relationship was two years old when we started talking about marriage. Philip was ready and I was ready too but my mom wasn’t ready. She was always sick. We couldn’t possibly take a step when the woman who will accept everything was suffering.

One evening, my senior sister called me. She had been living with my mom for over a month, taking care of her. She said, “Mom’s situation is critical. As we speak, she can’t even talk. She can’t maintain a gaze. She’s slipping.” I asked her, “So what are the doctors saying?” She responded, “Nothing new. They are doing their best.” I told her, “I will come around tomorrow morning. I hope she’ll get better by then.’

I woke up in the morning to see four missed calls from my sister’s line. I spent the night with Philip so I put my phone on silence. I called back and she didn’t pick up. I kept calling but all my calls went unanswered. I told Philip, “I’m calling my sister and she’s not picking up. It feels like something is wrong.” He asked, “Something like what?” “I don’t know but last night we talked before I slept. She told me mom’s situation was critical, only to wake up to see her calls again. What was she going to tell me.”

I got up, dressed up and started going. I was at the station when my sister called to tell me, “Mom couldn’t make it. She died at dawn. She’s at the morgue as speak.”

I’ve known pain but the pain that flushed through my heart at that moment was like no other pain I’d ever experienced. I broke down in the car. The guy sitting next to me kept looking at me but couldn’t ask what was wrong with me. I kept crying until I got to the hospital. Philip called and I told him what had happened. He screamed, “Ohh! How can mom do this to us?” That statement brought more tears into my eyes. It was like the world was ending for me. Mom was only fifty-nine so how could she die?”

The whole week things were hectic for me. I expected Philip to call often but he didn’t. I was the only one calling. I remember I even complained and he said, “You’re busy mourning your mom and I don’t want to interfere.” I told him, “That’s the more reason why you should be here with me. You shouldn’t leave me alone at this moment. She’s not only my mother. She was your good friend too.” Nothing changed. I was the only one going up and down with my siblings, planning the one-week rite of my mother. I saw Philip four days after my mom had died. I went to his house to tell him about the one-week rite arrangement. This guy saw me and didn’t see how miserable I looked. He was trying to have shuperu with me.

“Philip, seriously? It looks like the moment we are in is lost on you. My mom died. Your friend died. You haven’t shown any form of sadness or care towards me. You don’t even call. I came to see you and you want to ignore what I’m going through and have shuperu with me? Are you out of your mind?” I stormed out of his house with tears in my eyes. I was expecting him to call or even send a message apologizing for his weird behaviour but he never did. He called and talked as if everything was normal. A day before the one-week rite he called to tell me he couldn’t come because of work-related issues. I’ve forgotten what he said but it sounded like he was supposed to go to work or something.

I nodded my head and told him to take care of himself. After the one-week rite, I was expecting him to call and ask me how everything went. He didn’t. My senior sister was asking about him. My brother asked about him, even my uncle. The way my mom spoke about him, they expected him to be closer in a moment like this but this guy never did. I was home when he visited. He started talking about how busy life had been and how sorry he was for not being able to make it to the one week and all. I was sad, angry and disappointed in him so his apology got me livid. I spoke my mind; “I’m surprised the way you’ve acted since my mom died. You have no human feeling in you if that’s how you behave towards your friends who have lost a dear one. I’m shocked and I don’t think I will ever forget that.”

The fight continued on Whatsapp. He said, “The dead are dead, it doesn’t mean life should stop for the living. You’re taking things too far.”

I shook my head in disbelief after reading the text message. I said to myself, “When this is all over, I will count my friends again and I don’t think this guy would be one of them.

Mom is still in the morgue. The sadness hadn’t left me but Philip is making my situation worse. The last time I was there in his house he attempted shuperu again. I pushed him away and left his premises. I told myself I would never step into his house again. He’s not even trying, at least he should fake sadness and pretend he’s with me in these hard times but he doesn’t care. He goes to play football and posts happy pictures of the parties he attended. I see them on his status and feel like I’m all alone in these hard times. I’m waiting until the funeral is over to break up with him, that’s if he hadn’t already broken up with me.

Do you think I’m right to end it because of what he’s doing? Is it even normal, his behaviour? He lacks total empathy and it scares me. I fear for my future with him.

Source: Silent Beads


Herbal cures for panic attacks: all the facts and more




It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. You may learn to manage panic episodes and minimise their frequency and intensity with training and the correct tactics.

A range of herbal remedies can help reduce panic attack symptoms. Consider the following options:

  • Valerian root has long been used to treat insomnia and anxiety. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.
  • Chamomile: This plant has relaxing properties and has been long used to relieve anxiety and insomnia. Chamomile tea or supplements may help alleviate panic attack symptoms.
  • Lavender: Lavender has long been used to relieve anxiety and tension because of its relaxing scent. Inhaling lavender essential oil or taking a lavender supplement may help relieve panic attack symptoms.
  • Kava kava: For centuries, the Pacific Islands have used this plant to relieve anxiety and tension. It may reduce the severity of panic attacks by soothing the nervous system.

It should be noted that these herbs should not be used in place of professional medical care. If you’re having panic attacks, it’s critical that you obtain the right diagnosis and treatment from a doctor.

What causes panic attacks?

Starting a new career or migrating to a new location, as well as important life events such as getting married or having a kid, can be stressful.

Anxiety or depression in the family: If you have a family history of anxiety or depression, you may be more prone to panic attacks.

Excessive coffee or alcohol consumption, as well as sudden withdrawal or reintroduction, can cause panic attacks.

Medical disorders such as heart disease or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) can also induce panic episodes.

It is crucial to understand that panic episodes can develop for no apparent reason. If you’re having panic attacks and aren’t sure what’s causing them, meeting with a mental health professional for further assessment and therapy may be beneficial.

How can you naturally treat a panic attack?

Deep breathing can help with physical panic attack symptoms like a racing heart and shortness of breath. Take a big breath in with your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale softly through your mouth.

To comfort oneself, employ positive self-talk such as “I can handle this,” “I am safe,” or “This will pass.”

Concentrate on the present: Panic episodes are frequently accompanied by rapid thoughts about the future or the past. Focus on your surroundings and physical sensations in your body to bring your attention back to the present moment.

Relaxation practises such as progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness meditation, and yoga may all help you relax and quiet your mind and body.

Seek assistance: Speaking with a trusted friend or family member, as well as consulting a mental health professional, can help you manage panic attacks.

It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. They will pass, and the more practice you have at dealing with them, the better you will become.

How can you permanently stop panic episodes without medication?

Seek expert assistance: A mental health professional can assist you in determining the reasons for your panic attacks and developing a treatment plan to manage them. Treatment may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other forms of therapy, as well as relaxation methods or lifestyle adjustments.

Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation are all relaxation techniques that can help you relax and manage stress and anxiety.

Regular exercise can help you reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being. On most days of the week, aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity, such as brisk walking or cycling.

Eat a nutritious diet: Eating a diet high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains while avoiding processed and sugary foods will improve your physical and mental health.

Get adequate sleep: Sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.

Recognise and avoid circumstances or activities that may provoke panic attacks, such as coffee or alcohol usage, or specific sorts of environments.

It is critical to understand that panic episodes are a normal stress response and are not dangerous. You may learn to manage panic episodes and minimise their frequency and intensity with training and the correct tactics.

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Health Issues After Quitting Alcohol: Everything You Need to Know




It is vital to recognise that quitting alcohol is a personal decision, and everyone's experience will be unique. It may be difficult at times, but the potential benefits are well worth the effort.

Following the cessation of alcohol drinking, a range of health problems may occur, some of which may be temporary and others of which may be permanent. Here are just a few examples:

  • When a heavy drinker quickly stops drinking, they may experience withdrawal symptoms such as tremors, anxiety, and insomnia. In severe cases, alcohol withdrawal can be lethal, necessitating medical attention.
  • Some elements, such as vitamin B1, can be inhibited by alcohol, and long-term heavy drinking can lead to deficiencies. These shortfalls can cause a number of health problems, including fatigue, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.
  • Alcohol use can contribute to the development of mental health problems such as depression and anxiety, and abstaining from alcohol may assist in facilitating these conditions. However, refraining from alcohol may induce or aggravate mental health difficulties in other settings, particularly in persons with a history of mental illness.
  • Alcohol use can cause considerable liver damage, such as fatty liver disease, alcoholic hepatitis, and cirrhosis. Abstinence from alcohol can help heal some of the damage, but in extreme situations, the damage may be irreversible.

It’s important to remember that everyone is unique, and the precise health issues that may occur after stopping alcohol may differ depending on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other variables. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential health hazards of abstaining from alcohol and to seek medical attention if necessary.

What happens to your body physiologically after you quit drinking?

When a person stops drinking alcohol, their body adjusts to the lack of alcohol. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, some of which are temporary while others are long-term. Here are some of the things that might happen in a person’s body after they quit drinking:

  • Better sleep: Alcohol can interrupt sleep patterns and contribute to poor sleep quality. When a person stops drinking, their sleep may improve because their body no longer has to metabolise the alcohol.
  • Alcohol contains a lot of calories, and excessive drinking can contribute to weight gain. Quitting drinking may result in weight loss since the body no longer absorbs the extra calories from alcohol.
  • Improved digestion: Alcohol can irritate the lining of the digestive tract, contributing to problems like acid reflux. Quitting alcohol may improve digestion and reduce the number of digestive diseases.
  • Better skin health: Alcohol dehydrates the skin, which can contribute to issues such as acne breakouts. Quitting alcohol may improve skin health and reduce skin diseases.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone is unique, and the physical consequences of stopping drinking will vary based on the individual’s drinking history, general health, and other circumstances. It’s always a good idea to talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional about the potential consequences of quitting drinking, and to seek medical help if necessary.

The length of time it takes for the body to return to normal after quitting drinking is determined by a number of factors, including the individual’s drinking history, overall health, and the severity of any alcohol-related health problems. The following are some general guidelines for how long it may take for specific physiological systems to return to normal after quitting drinking:

  • Alcohol withdrawal symptoms often peak within the first 24-72 hours following the last drink and can persist for several days to a week. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal in severe circumstances, demanding medical intervention.
  • Alcohol may affect the brain and nervous system in a variety of ways, and the quantity and duration of alcohol ingested influence how long it takes for these systems to recover. In other circumstances, it may take months or years for the brain to fully heal.
  • Heavy drinking may gravely harm the liver, which is in charge of breaking down and metabolising alcohol. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health. The liver may be able to repair itself in certain circumstances, but in others, the damage may be irreversible.
  • Alcohol can irritate the digestive system lining, contributing to illnesses such as acid reflux. Within a few days to a week, abstaining from alcohol may result in improved digestion and a reduction in digestive difficulties.

It’s crucial to remember that stopping drinking may not totally cure the body, especially if the person has been drinking heavily for a long time. Long-term alcohol addiction can cause long-term harm to several biological systems in some situations. It’s always a good idea to consult with a doctor or other healthcare expert about the potential repercussions of stopping alcohol and to seek medical attention if required.

When you stop drinking, how can you know when your liver is healing?

The liver is a powerful organ that can repair itself after alcohol injury. The amount of time it takes for the liver to recover varies on the severity of the lesion and the individual’s overall health.

The liver is a strong organ that may heal itself after alcohol damage. The length of time it takes for the liver to recover depends on the degree of the lesion and the individual’s general health.

When you stop drinking, there are a few signs that your liver is healing:

The liver creates bile, which aids in fat digestion, which improves digestion. You may notice an improvement in your digestion after you stop drinking.

Alcohol is high in empty calories, which can contribute to weight gain. When you quit drinking, your body starts burning stored fat for energy, causing you to lose weight.

Increased energy: Alcohol might make you lethargic and fatigued. You may experience a rise in energy levels while your liver repairs.

Better skin: Alcohol may cause skin to dry out and become dull. You may notice an improvement in the look and texture of your skin while your liver continues to operate regularly.

It’s crucial to remember that alcohol-related liver damage is typically irreversible, so get medical attention if you’re concerned about the health of your liver. It is never too late to make positive lifestyle changes that will enhance your health and well-being.

What happens once you stop drinking?

Depending on their circumstances and reasons for quitting, each person’s life after stopping alcohol may seem very different. Some people may discover that they have more energy and are more productive, but others may find it difficult to adjust to life without alcohol.

You may notice the following changes after quitting alcohol:

Improved health: Quitting alcohol can bring a variety of health benefits, including a lower chance of developing diseases including liver disease, some cancers, and heart disease. You may experience advantages in your sleep and digestion as well.

More time and money: Drinking alcohol may be costly and time-consuming, especially if you do it regularly. If you stop drinking, you may be able to devote more time and money to other hobbies and activities.

Improved relationships: Alcohol can impair your judgement and conduct, leading to disagreements with loved ones. Quitting alcohol may help you enhance your social ties and communication skills.

Increased self-esteem: Depending on your motivation for quitting drinking, you may experience a feeling of success and satisfaction in your decision. This might boost your self-esteem and happiness.

It is vital to recognise that quitting alcohol is a personal decision, and everyone’s experience will be unique. It may be difficult at times, but the potential benefits are well worth the effort.

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South African roadway fissures as a result of the Johannesburg explosion




South African roadway fissures as a result of the Johannesburg explosion

One of Johannesburg’s busiest roadways has been extensively damaged as a result of a suspected explosion from an underground gas pipeline.

Videos show portions of the road collapsing and automobiles flipping upside down.

According to authorities, one person was murdered and several were injured.

At the moment of the detonation, some witnesses described feeling the earth shake and then hearing a huge bang.

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